Hot Best Seller

The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships

Availability: Ready to download

Today, only 34% of African-American children are raised in two-parent households, compared to 85% in 1966. In this book, Hill Harper examines the roots of breakdown in black families, considering the importance of current sexual stereotypes in black American culture.


Compare

Today, only 34% of African-American children are raised in two-parent households, compared to 85% in 1966. In this book, Hill Harper examines the roots of breakdown in black families, considering the importance of current sexual stereotypes in black American culture.

30 review for The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships

  1. 5 out of 5

    Amy Binkerd

    I was perusing the "bargain books" today and had two classics in my hand. "The Secret Garden" and "Sherlock Holmes:The first 12 original stories." Both for $2.99 a piece. When I came across this one, I read the back cover and quickly put the other 2 back (as I am 1:cheap and 2:coming to the end of my weekly spend money. Dang budget rules!) Now as you can see by my profile pic, I am as pasty white as they come so why pick up a book about Black relationships? I'll tell you! lol My husband and I I was perusing the "bargain books" today and had two classics in my hand. "The Secret Garden" and "Sherlock Holmes:The first 12 original stories." Both for $2.99 a piece. When I came across this one, I read the back cover and quickly put the other 2 back (as I am 1:cheap and 2:coming to the end of my weekly spend money. Dang budget rules!) Now as you can see by my profile pic, I am as pasty white as they come so why pick up a book about Black relationships? I'll tell you! lol My husband and I volunteer at a men's prison teaching Identity (under the guise of an addictions recovery program). One thing we hear A LOT is, "well, it's a cultural thing/difference" in reference to relationship conversations. I have been doing this for a little over 2 years now, and about 98% of the guys in my class are Black. So obviously, there is a barrier there where I will never understand some things and vice versa. I LOVE THAT! I picked this book up to help it make sense to me, and I got so much more out of this book. This book helped me understand the stereo-types that plague the men in my class. I love the men in my class. They work their way into my heart and I want to see EACH of them succeed and have successful, happy, healthy, and FREE lives. We have some raw conversations, and of course disagreements, but what I love is at the end of class they can still shake my hand and say "thank you for coming Miss Amy." This night is THE highlight of my week. This book helped give me the "inside scoop" if you will, into grasping how different yet truly alike we really are. It helped me to see how I have been wrong as well. This book made me look at myself and see how what I thought was a "cop-out", was more of an ingrained mindset. I'll be honest, there were a few parts that kind of hurt my feelings as a white woman, when the women being interviewed shared how they viewed "us". But I also am confident in who I am, and WHOSE I am; so I quickly processed those feelings and moved on. I was raised to love everyone regardless of color, status in society, etc. I think Black people are beautiful, just as I think Latino, Asian, White, etc are beautiful. I have never been able to grasp why skin color has ever been an issue. But the reality is, as I have begun to find out through pointed conversations, that my mindset is somewhat rare. This is the longest review I have ever given! LOL but this book meant so much to me because it helps me understand the men I am helping to lead. I can't wait to look through different eyes next Tuesday when I sit in my classroom and interact with "my boys". Thank you Hill Harper for taking the time to ask the tough questions of your race, and begin to help them rise above what the world has told them they can be. To help them become who God created them to be. Men of character who lead their families with love and conviction.....I'll shut up now! Thanks again!

  2. 5 out of 5

    Kya Publishing (Toronto)

    Hill Harper's new book "The Conversation" should be the last book written about black relationships. It covers all of the topics, the discussions, and the tools needed for readers to move forward in this area, no longer held back by historical, social, and cultural restrictions, perceived or actual. Released in September of 2009, Harper's third book focuses on "How Black Men and Women can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships" and has the potential to be the definitive word on black love. Using pers Hill Harper's new book "The Conversation" should be the last book written about black relationships. It covers all of the topics, the discussions, and the tools needed for readers to move forward in this area, no longer held back by historical, social, and cultural restrictions, perceived or actual. Released in September of 2009, Harper's third book focuses on "How Black Men and Women can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships" and has the potential to be the definitive word on black love. Using personal experiences, candid interviews and discussions with his friends and associates, and modern references like the Obamas, the dangers of 'technological' communication, and even Steve Harvey's recent relationship book, Harper presents a relevant and timely discussion on "the breakdown of African-American relationships." His purpose: to encourage conversation, to present various perspectives, and to encourage black men and women to work towards building a legacy of family and tradition, rather than publicly and personally destroying the bonds between one another. Some of the enlightening chapters include: •What We Say, Mean, and Do •What Brothers Want •Will Mr. Right Please Stand Up? •Checking Baggage •Eros Vs. Sex/Lust Vs. Love - "Some women think men should read their minds and decipher what they really mean. Alternatively, they give the answer society or their mother told them was the proper answer, though it may not be their truth at all...For women, the issue of finding a healthy balance between all that is expected of her can be a tiring lifelong quest..." •Cheating •Dating With Kids •Anger, Forgiveness, and Learning to Let Go •Man Up -"We as Black men rarely hold other men accountable when we clearly see that they are not living up to their responsibilities with the women they are dating or married to and, even worse, with the children they have fathered..." This book is great, because it echoes the current concerns of men and women from a variety of circumstances. While there are universal truths that can be applied to relationships of any race, the historical and specific references to African-American issues is encouraging. Harper understands the issues, and is able to address them directly. As his friend Brad states in the book: "I think the Black family has been shredded for a couple reasons. The last forty years have been filled with fatherless households and women struggling to take care of their children. As a young girl, if your mother (who probably resents your father for not being there) continuously tells you, "You don't need a man for anything. Provide for yourself! Take care of yourself. Look at me...I'm doing it, and we are fine," at some point, that girl will begin to believe this. Then, that same young girl probably will not have the luxury of seeing her mom have a healthy relationship with a man. So, how is she supposed to know how to interact with men? On the flip side, in these same households, most young Black boys don't have male figures to teach them how to be men or how to treat women. What happens when this young girl and this young boy meet up when they are grown? Exactly what is going on now...you have two people who don't know how to deal with each other..." (pg 57-58) At the age of 43, Harper's career in the entertainment business has allowed readers to grow and trust the familiar face that has appeared on classic Spike Lee movies "Get on the Bus" (96) and "He Got Game" (98), and as well as other favourites "In Too Deep" (99) and "Lackawanna Blues" (05). His television work has ranged from appearances on Married With Children and The Sopranos to his current role as Dr. Sheldon Hawkes on CSI: NY. Harper has received recognition from the NAACP Image Awards as "Outstanding Actor in a Drama Series" for CSI: NY in both 2008 and 2009. His strengths as an actor are numerous, but his academic background and achievements in writing foreshadow the contributions we can expect to see Harper make in popular culture, academia, and maybe even politcs one day. The son of a psychiatrist (father) and anesthesiologist (mother), Harper has a B.A. from Brown University, a J.D. from Harvard Law School, as well as a Master of Public Adminstration from Harvard's Kennedy School of Government. Just this year, he was awarded an Honorary Doctorate from Westfield State College. Hill Harper has been dedicated to uplifting and educating young people, as evidenced by his previous books: American Library Association award-winning "Letters to a Young Brother: MANifest Your Destiny" and New York Times bestseller "Letters to a Young Sister: DeFINE Your Destiny." He has a gift for communicating relevant, powerful, and progressive messages through his texts. We can expect to see more of this brother in the future; he is well-equipped and on his way to becoming one of the great black minds of this generation.

  3. 4 out of 5

    Nakia

    I have to give Hill Harper props for at least attempting to tackle this subject. Black female and male relationships will have you writing volumes that could make Encyclopedia Brittanica jealous. He gets an A for effort, but I really didnt learn anything groundbreaking from "The Conversation". Yes, marriage is hard, but rewarding work. Yes, women and men communicate differently, which can cause alot of problems. Yes, some Black women need to lighten up, smile, and laugh, which will produce a par I have to give Hill Harper props for at least attempting to tackle this subject. Black female and male relationships will have you writing volumes that could make Encyclopedia Brittanica jealous. He gets an A for effort, but I really didnt learn anything groundbreaking from "The Conversation". Yes, marriage is hard, but rewarding work. Yes, women and men communicate differently, which can cause alot of problems. Yes, some Black women need to lighten up, smile, and laugh, which will produce a particular type of energy that will attract the opposite sex. Yes, some Black men need to be more responsible and accountable and need to be checked about their mistakes. Yadda, yadda, blah blah blah...much of it was common sense. I was surprised, however, to read of Black women who say they either exclusively date outside of the race, or they have never felt more beautiful or comfortable in their skin, than when they were involved with men who were not Black. Now that was eye opening. Also, Hill's own supposed relationship caused my eyebrow to raise a time or two. Am I the only one who thought Nichole was a figment of his imagination, or possibly a composite of a few of his past female partners? Something just didnt add up about her to me. And leaving her out of the thank you's in the back of the book, led to me questioning this relationship even more. I took away from the book that friendship, communication, and determination are the key to long lasting relationships. Even though I already knew that, Harper still created a dialogue that my bookclub was able to follow for our own discussion of relationships, and I thank him for that.

  4. 4 out of 5

    Ebony

    Harper’s Conversation is harmless. I am exhaling. I can’t remember what it was, but I felt like there was something in the Essence review that made me not want to read it. Then people was all in my ear about The Conversation and since I’m trying to be a relationship researcher and all, I figured I should turn my attention to it. It definitely wasn’t a waste of time, but I’m not going to be re-reading. Besides knowing more about Harper’s relationships, it wasn’t super informative. The only conver Harper’s Conversation is harmless. I am exhaling. I can’t remember what it was, but I felt like there was something in the Essence review that made me not want to read it. Then people was all in my ear about The Conversation and since I’m trying to be a relationship researcher and all, I figured I should turn my attention to it. It definitely wasn’t a waste of time, but I’m not going to be re-reading. Besides knowing more about Harper’s relationships, it wasn’t super informative. The only conversation that happens between men and women occurs near the end of the book and left me wondering, who are these people? I appreciate Harper’s vulnerability. It was refreshing to read. I also am thrilled that there are no hints of patriarchal control or sexism in the book. He doesn’t attempt to speak for women or talk at women about how to make men happy. That’s what I mean by it being a “safe” book. He even calls out black men for not holding each other accountable. I get grief when I tell men it’s up to men to make the world a better place for women by keeping other men in check, but maybe if they hear it from a man… The book is well structured and easy to read. I really can’t say anything bad about it. I was surprised to hear of how many black women hate all black men and how many black men hate all black women. Maybe I’ve been isolated, but my people don’t talk like that. Neither my male nor female friends stereotype the race in that way which makes me wonder if those stereotypes are class issues? The one aspect of the book that made me uncomfortable were the implicit class arguments. Harper throws the lavish parties and eats all this great food and tells black people to be financially responsible. I kept thinking, it must be nice to live like that, to have friends like that, to travel like that, to spend money like that. My arguments will be in print soon, but I believe economics are the single most affective factor in black relationships. Black people in different class brackets are forced to make different decisions about relationships because of how much money they make. How many black men avoid relationships because they can’t afford them? How many women force themselves to fall in love with a man who can afford her? How many women stay in abusive situations for economic reasons? How many black folks can’t communicate across class boundaries? It not just about how you spend money but how you deal with not having money. The economic crisis is about to have a significant effect on relationships. People aren’t marrying because they can’t afford it. People aren’t divorcing because they can’t afford it. Because black people have always had tenuous issues with money (we used to be bred to make white people money), recessions effect us not only in new ways but worse ones. Granted, that’s a downer. Some people like to read about how the other half live. Honestly, I was resentful. I wanted to know why it was so important to Harper to let us know that he can hire a chef and buy the best wines for his friends. Maybe he was just being honest about his life and didn’t consider how folks who have consistently had less would feel. He wanted us to know about the struggles he had to overcome to achieve his loving relationship, but it’s almost beyond the pale of possibility when contextualized by his lavish lifestyle. His life, including his relationship read like a fairy tale.

  5. 4 out of 5

    Kim Smith

    This is an excellent book and should be in the personal library of every African American. Mr. Harper explores how male/female relationships among African American have devolved into its chaotic and inoperable state as well as what we need to do to restore the cornerstone of our community, the black family. A very interesting read which is as much of a personal journey for the reader as it was for Mr. Harper. I highly recommend!

  6. 5 out of 5

    Brett Cannon

    Every Black man and women should read this book!

  7. 4 out of 5

    Rafael Suleiman

    A very good book dealing with Black relationships in our modern world.

  8. 5 out of 5

    Nikki

    I enjoyed this reading this book. I appreciate Hill Harper for putting his feeling out there. It was refreshing to see him put his own misgiving about relationships in the book. I don't think he was trying to come off as a relationship expert, I think he put many truths out there. The one thing we hate is truth as much as we say we want to hear it. He gave an interesting prospective from a black man's point. It still amazes me to see how we are quick to judge and criticize when the truth is hitt I enjoyed this reading this book. I appreciate Hill Harper for putting his feeling out there. It was refreshing to see him put his own misgiving about relationships in the book. I don't think he was trying to come off as a relationship expert, I think he put many truths out there. The one thing we hate is truth as much as we say we want to hear it. He gave an interesting prospective from a black man's point. It still amazes me to see how we are quick to judge and criticize when the truth is hitting us in the face. It never hurts to take a look at yourself in mirror and I think Hill Harper hit us with some reality checks that we sometimes forget as well showing us the hard truth about himself. Relationships are hard, something we all know to be fact so reading this book just gives another perspective to think about. Hill talked about the black family, the conversations we do have with each other and the ones we don't have; especially those that have to do status in life, single parenting, divorced couples, single men and women. Men and women communicate differently and that's not always a bad thing. I think we just have to bring those differences together. Yes, easier said than done but communication is a great place to start. It was easy to read and flowed pretty well. I applaud Hill Harper for being open despite the criticism.

  9. 5 out of 5

    Elle

    I enjoyed this book, and I applaud Hill for endeavoring to start the conversation about a very complex issue. The dynamics of male-female relationships has always intrigued me. Particularly among African-Americans the complexities are varied, and rooted, specifically in this country, in a very tumultuous history. And I agree with Hill in his thinking that the underlying causes for all the confusion, insecurities, uncertainties, selfishness, and misunderstandings are based in fear – fear of reject I enjoyed this book, and I applaud Hill for endeavoring to start the conversation about a very complex issue. The dynamics of male-female relationships has always intrigued me. Particularly among African-Americans the complexities are varied, and rooted, specifically in this country, in a very tumultuous history. And I agree with Hill in his thinking that the underlying causes for all the confusion, insecurities, uncertainties, selfishness, and misunderstandings are based in fear – fear of rejection, vulnerabilities, and change. I think it behooves us to tackle these issues. It would be really great to participate in a non-confrontational forum that allows for up-close & personal enlightenment; much like the at-home one that Hill hosted. It almost seemed too good to be true that he was able to get these individuals to attend, and disclose in such a vulnerable way. I think it would be useful as a movie in that it would grant mass consumption and bring the conversation to the forefront where it needs to be. Unfortunately not as many people are visiting bookstores and libraries as would a movie theater. Consequently they could potentially miss out on being a part of a conversation that they’ve probably had with themselves, certainly have had with their same-sex friends, but need to have with the opposite sex as well.

  10. 4 out of 5

    ChaosInGa

    Easy-to-read book that focused on CONVERSATIONS w/both single and married men and women about romantic relationships. (Not clinical at all, which I find more interesting) Definitely a good read for those who don't have these types of conversations with their mate/friends often. For those of us who remain engaged in understanding how relationships evolve (or dissipate), reading it helps determine if what is said and hear are universal statements. Hill even opens up about his personal pitfalls whe Easy-to-read book that focused on CONVERSATIONS w/both single and married men and women about romantic relationships. (Not clinical at all, which I find more interesting) Definitely a good read for those who don't have these types of conversations with their mate/friends often. For those of us who remain engaged in understanding how relationships evolve (or dissipate), reading it helps determine if what is said and hear are universal statements. Hill even opens up about his personal pitfalls when dating. He also talks about how he finally opened himself up enough to have an honest, intimate relationship with his "current". He ends the book with three (3) recommendations to a happier, fuller dating experience when looking for the "One". Can't say it's new or groundbreaking. However, it is worth the "reminder" as we sometimes forget what is important. Good read to find out more about what others think AND to discover more about how your habits may have caused you to make mistakes in the past. More for singles than couples though, even though both can use it as a reference tool.

  11. 5 out of 5

    Keith

    So I have to give Hill credit for aggressively tackling this subject/issue. As a young Black man aspiring to be successful and raise a beautiful Black family, The Conversation has helped me take on a new perspective of our Black people and our community. This is a mass effort. Everyone being accountable to each other. Men and woman. Unfortunately, we fight against everyone's own morals and ethics. Everyone wasn't raised the same way and therefore may not have the same opionions and beliefs about So I have to give Hill credit for aggressively tackling this subject/issue. As a young Black man aspiring to be successful and raise a beautiful Black family, The Conversation has helped me take on a new perspective of our Black people and our community. This is a mass effort. Everyone being accountable to each other. Men and woman. Unfortunately, we fight against everyone's own morals and ethics. Everyone wasn't raised the same way and therefore may not have the same opionions and beliefs about how things "should be". So I believe that you should do whatever makes you happy without hurting anyone else. There is no excuse for cheating but I did enjoy the interviews by both sexes on why they believe people don't remain monagomous. The thing I think I got most from the book was understanding a little more how woman think. Even better how other men think so I can not be like them! LOL I also enjoy the self, or relational quesitons at the end of the book. I now have to take a step back and evaluate my own moral, ethics, value, and beliefs about how I should treat a woman, act like a gentleman, and raise a family. Good read. Thx Hill.

  12. 4 out of 5

    Jasmine Holloman

    Hill Harper is one of my favorite author's. His books are always a source of inspiration and wisdom to overcome any situation. The Conversation is no different. I read this book with my boyfriend and even though he is still finishing it up, I believe I learned a great deal about making our relationship stronger. Harper touches on a lot of cliches but the overarching theme is that relationships are hard. They are ALWAYS going to be hard, but the ones that last are the ones built between those w Hill Harper is one of my favorite author's. His books are always a source of inspiration and wisdom to overcome any situation. The Conversation is no different. I read this book with my boyfriend and even though he is still finishing it up, I believe I learned a great deal about making our relationship stronger. Harper touches on a lot of cliches but the overarching theme is that relationships are hard. They are ALWAYS going to be hard, but the ones that last are the ones built between those who never give up. Black love is powerful and we have to keep building each other up and staying strong together. I will definitely re-read this in the future.

  13. 4 out of 5

    Nancy Johnson

    This is an interesting study on understanding the backstory of and why some think the relationships between Black men and women are so difficult to enter into and sustain. There are some truths that hit hard, and some info that seem to fit a particular population... like the child-bearing age, upper-middle class population. The people he has "conversations" with, getting their take on particular questions, seem to be very similar in backgrounds. But Harper seems to want to give tidbits on all Bla This is an interesting study on understanding the backstory of and why some think the relationships between Black men and women are so difficult to enter into and sustain. There are some truths that hit hard, and some info that seem to fit a particular population... like the child-bearing age, upper-middle class population. The people he has "conversations" with, getting their take on particular questions, seem to be very similar in backgrounds. But Harper seems to want to give tidbits on all Black relationships. This book has opened my perspective, created some discomfort and made me want to argue some points. But to me, that's a good thing.

  14. 4 out of 5

    Candace Bonner

    It is great that he wants to open a dialog. He has offered several examples of questions to ask in the company of men and women to get the conversation going. I have friends that have parties that ask tough questions about relationships as well. I encourage everyone to get involved in the conversation.

  15. 4 out of 5

    Ashlee

    READ IT READ IT READ IT! This book changed my perspective on a lot of things. I feel like this book has helped me to take on a much more mature outlook on relationships with black men. Ahhhhhhh words can't express how great this read was!

  16. 5 out of 5

    Edward Lee

    Pretty good, every time I think that a book on marriage from a single man's perspective is not for me - a married man. I turn the page to some deep insight or perspective. Good book thus far.

  17. 4 out of 5

    Shonda

    I loved the book but I find it interesting that he made a point to highlight is adoration for his black girlfriend Nichole and he said more than once how much he preferred black women over any other race and now, here he is with an Asian woman on his arm. I don't have a problem with relationships between different races...I just think you should watch what you claim you won't do because ya never know. Still he made some great points. The one that stood out most to me is that women should judge m I loved the book but I find it interesting that he made a point to highlight is adoration for his black girlfriend Nichole and he said more than once how much he preferred black women over any other race and now, here he is with an Asian woman on his arm. I don't have a problem with relationships between different races...I just think you should watch what you claim you won't do because ya never know. Still he made some great points. The one that stood out most to me is that women should judge men more based on "potential" rather than current status. He noted that Michelle chose Barack while she was a law school graduate and he was still a law student driving a beater...look at them now!

  18. 4 out of 5

    Neesha

    This book was a huge eye opener. I learned so much from reading this book. Hill Harper artistically explained lessons on how to better communication in a relationship. He differentiates the way women and men think and communicate, which made me think twice about how I respond to my partner. I recommend this read to both men and women who are single, in a relationship, engaged, or married. If you are in a relationship, I would recommend reading this with your partner. i plan on reading again in t This book was a huge eye opener. I learned so much from reading this book. Hill Harper artistically explained lessons on how to better communication in a relationship. He differentiates the way women and men think and communicate, which made me think twice about how I respond to my partner. I recommend this read to both men and women who are single, in a relationship, engaged, or married. If you are in a relationship, I would recommend reading this with your partner. i plan on reading again in the near future!

  19. 5 out of 5

    Cheryl Durham

    Poignant and worth the read. Based on interviews with others Harper dives into a conversation about communication among African American men and women. He dissects some of the g old myths and looks for those things that appear to stymie this beautiful relationship. Workin before, during and after bonds are built is essential.

  20. 4 out of 5

    cynthia ojo

    Must read book I enjoyed this book and again learned so much about myself. I decided to date again after choosing to be single for three years. This book gives me hope and encouragement. I am challenged to examine my personal history why I think the way I do and what I really want.

  21. 4 out of 5

    Shelbourne Richardson

    This book is for anyone that needs insight and guidance in modern human relationships. Written as if the author is conversing with the reader, there is great wisdom that will help singles in the dating pool and couples preserve their relationship in the long run in this book.

  22. 4 out of 5

    Kimberly

    Great Book, with thought provoking content. I learned a lot about me and how I can better communicate. I highly recommend this book and am taking Hill's lead and having a Conversation Party with a few friends.

  23. 4 out of 5

    Evanglish Thomas

    Very informative and applicable for today’s men and women I admire Hill Harper’s attempt to indulge men and women to have a honest conversation about who we are and what we want in a companion or marriage. Great read!

  24. 4 out of 5

    Alec Lifschultz III

    A lot of times we go into new relationships with baggage and expectations from our new partner. Without trust and understanding the relationship won't grow. Hill Harper masterfully explains these concepts.

  25. 5 out of 5

    DORIS

    YES WE CAN DO THIS RELATIONSHIP S IS BASE UPON LOVE TRUST UNDRESSING PAIENTS IF YOU NO LONGER HAVE THESE THING. HOW CAN YOU GO WRONG. NOTHING ELSE IS THERE NO MORE TRUST. THE THRILL. IS GONE. IN ORDER TO BUILD YOU HAVE TO FRIST TRUST YOUR PARTNERS.

  26. 5 out of 5

    Rita

    I thoroughly enjoyed this book! Eye opener and clarity of what I already knew!

  27. 5 out of 5

    Fonda

    This book is a great one for reference and occasionally finds itself on my nightstand 😏.

  28. 5 out of 5

    Kirsten Yasa

    This was just okay. I appreciate what Hill tries to accomplish, but something’s missing. I highlighted a few things but I can’t say that I’d go back and read again.

  29. 4 out of 5

    Doris Raines

    AWESOME BOOK WITHOUT TRUST UNDERSTANDING RESPECT AND PAIENTS THE THRILL IS GONE.

  30. 4 out of 5

    Stafford Wilson

    Great book. I plan to read it again and share with my girlfriend this time. The best part of the book is the question section!!!!

Add a review

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Loading...
We use cookies to give you the best online experience. By using our website you agree to our use of cookies in accordance with our cookie policy.