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Making Children Mind without Losing Yours

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Raising children these days can be daunting. But if anyone understands why children behave the way they do, it's Dr. Kevin Leman. Equipping parents with seven principles of Reality Discipline--a loving no-nonsense parenting approach that really works--this internationally known psychologist, author, and father of five shows parents how to - understand why children misbehave Raising children these days can be daunting. But if anyone understands why children behave the way they do, it's Dr. Kevin Leman. Equipping parents with seven principles of Reality Discipline--a loving no-nonsense parenting approach that really works--this internationally known psychologist, author, and father of five shows parents how to - understand why children misbehave and what to do about it - foil finicky eaters, turn off temper tantrums, and minimize sibling rivalries - set suitable allowances, curfews, and privileges - and much more Real-life examples, questions at the end of each chapter, and a discussion guide for individual or group use make this book an engaging read for parents, teachers, and child care providers. With over a million copies in print, readers can't go wrong with this classic and continual best-seller-now in a fun, new package.


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Raising children these days can be daunting. But if anyone understands why children behave the way they do, it's Dr. Kevin Leman. Equipping parents with seven principles of Reality Discipline--a loving no-nonsense parenting approach that really works--this internationally known psychologist, author, and father of five shows parents how to - understand why children misbehave Raising children these days can be daunting. But if anyone understands why children behave the way they do, it's Dr. Kevin Leman. Equipping parents with seven principles of Reality Discipline--a loving no-nonsense parenting approach that really works--this internationally known psychologist, author, and father of five shows parents how to - understand why children misbehave and what to do about it - foil finicky eaters, turn off temper tantrums, and minimize sibling rivalries - set suitable allowances, curfews, and privileges - and much more Real-life examples, questions at the end of each chapter, and a discussion guide for individual or group use make this book an engaging read for parents, teachers, and child care providers. With over a million copies in print, readers can't go wrong with this classic and continual best-seller-now in a fun, new package.

30 review for Making Children Mind without Losing Yours

  1. 5 out of 5

    Kameron

    While there are some good points in this book and I agree with the reality discipline approach, there were so many things I did NOT agree with and that went against my mother's heart....I couldn't list this as one of the best parenting books I've read. His continual reference to kids as "little buzzards", his insistence that moms and dads need time away from their children - date nights as soon as a week after a new baby is born, Moms Day Out stuff each week, etc...wrong. Letting children cry it While there are some good points in this book and I agree with the reality discipline approach, there were so many things I did NOT agree with and that went against my mother's heart....I couldn't list this as one of the best parenting books I've read. His continual reference to kids as "little buzzards", his insistence that moms and dads need time away from their children - date nights as soon as a week after a new baby is born, Moms Day Out stuff each week, etc...wrong. Letting children cry it out at night behind a closed door "the door is not to be opened for any reason" - I'm sorry...that just isn't right. While I know there need to be routines and boundaries, pushing my kids outside so I can finish a twenty minute phone coversation with a girlfriend is not what God has called me to do and I find no biblical basis for this. Sorry, Dr. Leman - I think you miss the boat on a lot of things.

  2. 5 out of 5

    Maya

    I don't know why I pick up so many parenting books. It's not like I expect them to give you a one-all answer but I do like pulling ideas from several different view points. That being said, I started reading Leman's book based on reality discipline just to gather some more ideas. He defines reality discipline as "consistent, decisive and respectful way for parents to love not 'punish.'" Basically it's the idea to give kids choices but hold them accountable. I have to admit that I was bothered by I don't know why I pick up so many parenting books. It's not like I expect them to give you a one-all answer but I do like pulling ideas from several different view points. That being said, I started reading Leman's book based on reality discipline just to gather some more ideas. He defines reality discipline as "consistent, decisive and respectful way for parents to love not 'punish.'" Basically it's the idea to give kids choices but hold them accountable. I have to admit that I was bothered by the book's title "Making Your Child Mind." How do you "make" a child do anything? Thankfully Leman even knocks his own title choice by saying, "Don't make your child mind, guide your child toward making wise decisions about the realities of life with the freedom to fail." The one thing that impressed me about this book is that Leman touches on so many child/parenting subjects from tantrums, homework, talking about sex and sibling fighting. He is very brief about each which is good this is where I think the book misses out. I would have preferred to have some more depth in some of these subjects. He gives examples of real stories for some items but I would have preferred to have more meat to all of it. What I enjoyed the most on Leman's parenting advice is how he is all about building your child's confidence and ability to see reality. They are to take on responsibilities and be part of the family unit but also be comforted by their parents and loved in encouraging ways. He encourages parents to show their true selves and not try to hide their flaws, rather to be more open and honest about them. In his own words he is "asking parents both fathers and mothers to melt a little, to be real, to show love and respect to your kids, to let your family life be full of flavor." Love that phrase - family life full of flavor. Overall I think it is a good quick parenting read. I just felt the book lacked in depth and I craved a bit more of Leman's thoughts in the parenting areas. Some of the best parts: God’s love for us is unconditional. He loves us just because we are who we are, imperfect and prone to make mistakes. And he wants us to love our children in the same unconditional way. Lasting self esteem comes when kids learn that they belong - to a family, to a community, to a group of friends. Critical need in homes today is that they become the kind of environment in which children can learn more about themselves. Home should be a place where children can make mistakes as they try out some things they have decided on their own. In all my years of private practice I’ve never heard one of my young clients (the children) mention “quality time.” All a child knows is that he wants our time and our attention... In trying to find time for your children, don’t worry too much about how much “quality” is in it. Give them all the time you can and the quality will take care of itself. And as you give them time, you will get to know them. Important for our children to see us as imperfect. There is no better way to teach a child about having true faith in God. When the child learns that his parents are truly dependent upon the grace of God and that they need God’s help, he will see that God is very real and not just a belief that is talked in about in an abstract way. Sad to see so many parents - out of pride or selfishness - refuse to let their children know that they have flaws and that they don’t have it all together. When parents are brave enough to share their flaws and lacks with the children through prayer, they serve as beautiful models of what it means to depend on God.

  3. 5 out of 5

    Amy

    The frustration I felt for this book's condescending tone, coupled with what felt like a removed male perspective on child-rearing, just made for an insurmountable barrier to enjoying any part of this. The points made in this book are valid enough, but not earth-shattering revelations to be sure. Many of them are the same bits of tried and true dross you can find in any one-paragraph parenting-tip column. While I agree that parents still need adult time and dedicated time as a couple, the idea t The frustration I felt for this book's condescending tone, coupled with what felt like a removed male perspective on child-rearing, just made for an insurmountable barrier to enjoying any part of this. The points made in this book are valid enough, but not earth-shattering revelations to be sure. Many of them are the same bits of tried and true dross you can find in any one-paragraph parenting-tip column. While I agree that parents still need adult time and dedicated time as a couple, the idea that your first "date" should occur within a week of coming home with the new baby in order to establish boudaries between parenthood and couplehood seemed callous and removed from the new job you have, presumably willingly, undertaken. References to children as "little buzzards", among others, completely turned me off. These are children with needs and wants they are not able to express, and yes, it is our job to mold and shape them into functioning and productive members of society, but with a delicate combination of love, respect, clear expectations and firm boundaries. This books appeared to me to fall short on several of those critical fronts. The advice seemed imbalanced and cold, not the way I wish to foster loving and respectful interactions with the youngest members of society.

  4. 5 out of 5

    Rachel

    Excerpt from front page: " Dr. Leman's action-oriented method puts you back in command. He shows you: *how children learn *how to be the authority in your home without being authoritarian *why reward and punishment no longer work *why-and how-reality discipline does" The Seven Principles or reality discipline: 1.Establish a healthy authority over your children 2. hold your children accountable for their actions 3. let reality be the teacher 4. Use actions more than words 5. stick to your guns, but don't sh Excerpt from front page: " Dr. Leman's action-oriented method puts you back in command. He shows you: *how children learn *how to be the authority in your home without being authoritarian *why reward and punishment no longer work *why-and how-reality discipline does" The Seven Principles or reality discipline: 1.Establish a healthy authority over your children 2. hold your children accountable for their actions 3. let reality be the teacher 4. Use actions more than words 5. stick to your guns, but don't shoot yourself in the foot 6.relationships come before rules 7. live by your values It would be a great book to read and discuss with a group of parents. There are discussion questions for each chapter in the back of the book. I especially like Part 2: Using Reality Discipline in the Everyday Hassles. It offers very practical suggestions for dealing with specific behaviors. 5/28/2012 I just finished re-reading this book. I added another start to my review. I find this book extremely user friendly and full of great ideas and tips for weary parents whose bag of tricks is running on empty. I find that the most helpful area of the book is Part 2 where Lenman gives VERY practical tips for everyday issues that seem to always come up in our household. Last time that I read the book, I didn't really get into the discussion guide at the back of the book. This section is geared towards small group discussion. However, this time around, I did read it and found that many of the questions provoked a lot of thought on my part. Great book with helpful, relevant, interesting information.

  5. 5 out of 5

    Kris

    OK, normally I don't go for books that are overtly 'Christian' because usually they spend more time proving their religion than their point. However, this one was sent to me by my reincarnation, karma weilding mother in law, so I figured it couldn't be too bad. And it was great! (for a self help book) Leman uses the term 'Reality Discipline' to describe his style (I know, not so original, but it was written in the early 80s, when it was a bit different). I love the emphasis on logical consequence OK, normally I don't go for books that are overtly 'Christian' because usually they spend more time proving their religion than their point. However, this one was sent to me by my reincarnation, karma weilding mother in law, so I figured it couldn't be too bad. And it was great! (for a self help book) Leman uses the term 'Reality Discipline' to describe his style (I know, not so original, but it was written in the early 80s, when it was a bit different). I love the emphasis on logical consequences, not punishment as discipline. This allows you, the parent, to feel bad for the kid without being the meany. We've been incorporating (some of) the suggestions with Emmy and have seen some fabulous changes. In fact, every major advancement we've made in 2008 has come from enforcing consequences. So, give it a shot if you're having problems. If you aren't having problems, give me a call. I want to know what you're using :).

  6. 5 out of 5

    Emily Tsesmeloglou

    I really enjoyed Kevin Leman's Birth Order Book and his parenting advice there, so I was interested in reading more from him. I can't say that I totally agree with this book (e.g. his application of "discipline" to infants by leaving them with babysitters soon after birth), but I think I really benefited from reading about what he calls "reality discipline." I've grown wary of the Christian books that basically have a one-size-fits-all, spanking-is-the-only-way-in-every-situation position, so I I really enjoyed Kevin Leman's Birth Order Book and his parenting advice there, so I was interested in reading more from him. I can't say that I totally agree with this book (e.g. his application of "discipline" to infants by leaving them with babysitters soon after birth), but I think I really benefited from reading about what he calls "reality discipline." I've grown wary of the Christian books that basically have a one-size-fits-all, spanking-is-the-only-way-in-every-situation position, so I appreciate that he offered a variety of solutions for different situations. And although what we are really interested in is long-term results, for what it's worth, some of the advice I picked up seems to be making a difference already in my son's behavior and my own attitude.

  7. 4 out of 5

    Stacy

    I LOVE this parenting book! This is my second time reading this book - and I almost never re-read books! But the first time was 5 years ago and I wanted to refresh myself on the principles inside this book. Yes, they are THAT good! I think this is a must read for every parent! The main premise of this book is using reality discipline. I love this so much because it is teaching and training your child for real life and not nagging and pleading or using reward systems that don’t work. There are al I LOVE this parenting book! This is my second time reading this book - and I almost never re-read books! But the first time was 5 years ago and I wanted to refresh myself on the principles inside this book. Yes, they are THAT good! I think this is a must read for every parent! The main premise of this book is using reality discipline. I love this so much because it is teaching and training your child for real life and not nagging and pleading or using reward systems that don’t work. There are also a lot of good real life examples in this book that a lot of parenting books lack. I am so glad I read this a second time and I have already been implementing some of the advice I had forgotten with wonderful results (mostly with my six year old).

  8. 5 out of 5

    Alexa

    This is the first parenting/discipline book I have read, and overall I found it to be really sound advice! I have already began implementing some of the suggestions and have found some success with both my five year old and my two year old. If you are a parent who wants to find a way to successfully discipline your children, and develop responsible, respectful children, this book is a great fit for you! Although Dr. Leman doesn't completely rule out the use of spanking as a punishment, he qualifi This is the first parenting/discipline book I have read, and overall I found it to be really sound advice! I have already began implementing some of the suggestions and have found some success with both my five year old and my two year old. If you are a parent who wants to find a way to successfully discipline your children, and develop responsible, respectful children, this book is a great fit for you! Although Dr. Leman doesn't completely rule out the use of spanking as a punishment, he qualifies that it should be used only for the most serious offenses, particularly those actions that could endanger the child. He calls his discipline technique "reality discipline" which, interpreted in my own words basically means - teach your children to make their own decisions, with the understanding that they will be held accountable for their decision. This discipline is based on love and a healthy parent authority, without being autocratic. He bases his discipline on Ephesians 6:1-4 which says: "Children, obey your parents; this is the right thing to do because God has placed them in authority over you. Honor your father and mother. This is the first of God's Ten Commandments that ends with a promise. And this is the promise: that if you honor your father and mother, yours will be a long life, full of blessing. And now a word to you parents. Don't keep on scolding and nagging your children, making them angry and resentful. Rather, bring them up with the loving discipline the Lord himself approves, with suggestions and godly advice." Dr. Leman explains reality discipline and how to carry it out through seven primary principles, and explains that there is no one set solution, much of it is trial and error depending on what works with you as a parent and with your children, but the key to all of it is to "pull the rug out" and make sure the child understands they will be held accountable for their actions. Dr. Leman provides different scenarios and possible courses of action. In my house, we have a problem at meal time, which, according to this book is a common problem. He discusses this particular problem area and provides the following advice on page 180: "No bribing, rewarding, cajoling, pleading, threatening, screaming, or spanking. Give the child the right to make his own decision and then hold him accountable." For example, if the child begins to fuss and carry on about the food on his plate, there is no arguing or debate, but calmly tell the child: "This is what we are having for dinner tonight. You may choose to eat it or not eat it, but if you do not eat it, there will be no more food until breakfast." Then, if the child chooses not to eat, dump their plate in the garbage, (or put away the leftovers) excuse them from the table, and make sure you FOLLOW through with the consequence you stated... no food until breakfast. I tried it a couple of times and it has worked. Dr. Leman offers a lot of good advice and scenarios. But the parent really has to be committed to following through with whatever the follow through action will be. He provides plenty of examples and scenarios to help the parent as they implement this plan. The keys to reality discipline: immediate actions and a willingness to "pull out the rug." He also provides chapters for the non traditional families - single parents and blended families, which I thought was a great inclusion. The book is by no means a "step by step" magic solution of how to get your children to behave, but I did find it to be a really good technique and a great way to teach children accountability and understanding with each action comes a re-action. I am trying to implement this, sometimes with success, sometimes not so much, but I will say I have seen a reduction in power struggles and screaming matches with my children, and I have not had to resort to or threaten to spank my kids since I started reading the book! Check it out

  9. 4 out of 5

    Melissa T

    This was a succinct, uncomplicated approach to parenting. I liked the author so much from a previous book, I decided to see what advice he had for being a better parent. And the advice boils down to this, natural and logical consequences. There are tons of really good examples and explanations packed into these pages, and if you are interested, it is well worth your time. He even provides guidance for blended families and different life situations, just to provide a little extra understanding. B This was a succinct, uncomplicated approach to parenting. I liked the author so much from a previous book, I decided to see what advice he had for being a better parent. And the advice boils down to this, natural and logical consequences. There are tons of really good examples and explanations packed into these pages, and if you are interested, it is well worth your time. He even provides guidance for blended families and different life situations, just to provide a little extra understanding. But overall, Leman says, let the consequences happen. I found myself realizing that although I THOUGHT I was already doing this "natural consequence" thing, in the absence of a natural consequence, I often failed to come up with a logical one. For example, I struggle to allow the bedroom clean-up to progress at a snail's pace, (or not at all!); coaxing and prodding and alternating carrots and sticks to speed things along. I realize I need to just provide the framework, and let the chips fall. That is hard. After all, I'm not losing my cool, I'm just coaching, theoretically so they can finish a task and be proud of it. BUT, I see how the inability to let my kids own the situation keeps me involved in SOOO many elements of their lives that I don't need to be. No clean room, no allowance. End of story. I do realize when I AM able to step back and let the snails go to work alone, I feel like I suddenly have "free time". Which I generally choose to spend doing something much more productive than nagging. It's weird how I despise nagging, and yet I am so very good at it! Also - I have to admire the author for not being too timid to talk about his faith. He appropriately uses God as the greatest example of parenting, and isn't shy about saying it. Our societal shift shows an increasing taboo for religion discussions, and an increasing acceptance of the most vulgar topics. Leman boldly declares himself a Christian, and credits God with the parenting wisdom and guidance that he shares. It was such a refreshing change, I am proud of him, both for sharing his knowledge and for not taking credit where he felt he shouldn't. Bravo Kevo!

  10. 5 out of 5

    Clair

    Okay, I didn't read EVERY word of the book, but I got the jest of it- as a parent it's best to be somewhere in between authoritative and permissive. Leman promotes "reality discipline"- giving children the opportunity to make choices and learn from the natural consequences. He conveys the importance of loving and building up your children and making home a safe place to be. I felt like I was reading lots of words but not getting lots of information. I wasn't fully appreciative of the author's sen Okay, I didn't read EVERY word of the book, but I got the jest of it- as a parent it's best to be somewhere in between authoritative and permissive. Leman promotes "reality discipline"- giving children the opportunity to make choices and learn from the natural consequences. He conveys the importance of loving and building up your children and making home a safe place to be. I felt like I was reading lots of words but not getting lots of information. I wasn't fully appreciative of the author's sense of humor which seemed more forced than natural. For instance one chapter is called "Pull the rug out and let the little buzzards tumble." I give him credit for trying to add some comic relief to an intense subject, I just wasn't laughing much. I did like that his philosophy is built on Christian principles. The translation of Bible verses he used was very dissimilar to the King James Version that I am used to. So while I think the overall interpretation of Christian parenting was right on, the wording of scriptures was just very foreign to me. I must say that Leman's whole premise is very much like Love and Logic. So if you are familiar with L&L I don't think you really need to read this book. I prefer the L&L book in that I just think it was more organized and to the point. Did the book help me with my parenting? Sure, it was a great reminder of all the things I need to do like being consistent and holding my kids accountable for their choices. Reading this book, kept all the basics at the forefront of my mind and it was a good jumping off point for my husband and I to use for discussion. I did get the "oh-I-know-where-you-got-that-idea" look from my husband when I told two of my children who were fighting over a computer game that they were welcome to take their fight to the backyard if they really wanted to continue. The fighting stopped almost instantly. Good one, Dr. Leman. Bottom line- this was okay and had sound parenting advice, but I'm going to pass this one on and dust off my old Love and Logic book.

  11. 5 out of 5

    Greg

    I read Kevin's book a few years back and then read it again as my family grew and just read it a 3rd time as we hit the maturation point of family numbers to a comfy 6 kids... I am a stay-at-home dad who works 2 nights a week as a therapist. We foster 2 little boys and I home-school 2 of my children (boys). I keep this book on my shelf to remind me that it's not all about me and that there is a point to all this... chaos; The keen desire for my wife and I to raise kids to be healthy, adaptable a I read Kevin's book a few years back and then read it again as my family grew and just read it a 3rd time as we hit the maturation point of family numbers to a comfy 6 kids... I am a stay-at-home dad who works 2 nights a week as a therapist. We foster 2 little boys and I home-school 2 of my children (boys). I keep this book on my shelf to remind me that it's not all about me and that there is a point to all this... chaos; The keen desire for my wife and I to raise kids to be healthy, adaptable and fun adults is paramount. We desire them to be critical thinkers who can be impulsive but also see the big picture. Dr. Leman's book(s) assists me in staying on track for this. It reminds me of my goals for my kids and allows me to deal with my short term frustration when disciplining so that they may receive the long term reward of being a healthy individual. "Reality Discipline" is something that we practice well to varying degrees and with varying success. Leman's book doesn't solve our problems, but it does remind us that we are "in a battle". I invite anyone who is at their wit's end with their kid (s) to pick up this book and give it a whirl. I believe that you will immediately start to take yourself LESS seriously in this battle. I really do appreciate Kevin's humour and have shared some of the stories with my kids. My sons especially laughed at his "sexual exploration" story. I want to thank Kevin for journeying with us as we raise our kids. I'm sure I will need to read this a few more times along the way.

  12. 4 out of 5

    Amanda Tranmer

    I really like Dr. Leman's approach to discipline, his concept of "reality discipline" (letting children experience the natural consequences of their choices instead of "punishing" them or, conversely, bailing them out), his support of finding the authoratative ground between authoritarian parenting and permissive parenting. He strikes just the right note for me. I read Have a New Kid By Friday several months before picking up this book, and I found most of this book covered the same ground in a I really like Dr. Leman's approach to discipline, his concept of "reality discipline" (letting children experience the natural consequences of their choices instead of "punishing" them or, conversely, bailing them out), his support of finding the authoratative ground between authoritarian parenting and permissive parenting. He strikes just the right note for me. I read Have a New Kid By Friday several months before picking up this book, and I found most of this book covered the same ground in a slightly different format. This felt like review. Not a bad thing. I can use the review. But I'm not sure both books were needed (I think this one came first?) I had expected something a little more, different, new. I remember especially appreciating the alphabetized appedix of common battlegrounds and how to deal with them in HANKBF, an improvement over this book. Either one will teach you his basic philosophies which seem to be working pretty well as I try to implememt them (over the past several months) in my own home. The principles in reality aren't always easy. Simple, but not easy. It takes practice, an "art," as the doctor says. Overall, he really has succeeded in changing the way I think about parenting...in a good way I hope.

  13. 4 out of 5

    Emily

    This book describes the way I want to parent. It takes you through "authoritarian" vs. "permissive" parents and the pitfalls. The author takes you through what he terms "reality discipline" about making logical consequences based on reality. He's really into holding children accountable, letting them make some decisions, and letting reality of life be the teacher (Think-teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves). He also talks about letting your children fail sometimes so that This book describes the way I want to parent. It takes you through "authoritarian" vs. "permissive" parents and the pitfalls. The author takes you through what he terms "reality discipline" about making logical consequences based on reality. He's really into holding children accountable, letting them make some decisions, and letting reality of life be the teacher (Think-teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves). He also talks about letting your children fail sometimes so that they see how real life is. It takes some of the pressure off as a parent because reality is the teacher and you as a parent are a guide to reality. One quick example is letting your child be late for school or getting a low grade because they stayed up late or didn't do their work respectively. It's a good book. I like it because it was a lot of suggestions with the acknowledgment that it would need to be adjusted to needs and children. I don't think anything selling itself as a solver of all your problems could possibly be true. It wasn't the end all but I liked it a lot.

  14. 5 out of 5

    Heather Choate

    Honestly, an answer to my prayers. I hate it when people profess that a book changed their life. It's a book. But, I've struggled so much with discipline with my four children (all under 5 years of age)that I was really needing solutions. Out of the slush pile of parenting advice books, this is the first one where I felt, this guy actually gets what it's like to be a parent! His techniques are simple to understand, but not always easy to do. I've implement many of his teachings and found a HUGE Honestly, an answer to my prayers. I hate it when people profess that a book changed their life. It's a book. But, I've struggled so much with discipline with my four children (all under 5 years of age)that I was really needing solutions. Out of the slush pile of parenting advice books, this is the first one where I felt, this guy actually gets what it's like to be a parent! His techniques are simple to understand, but not always easy to do. I've implement many of his teachings and found a HUGE TURNAROUND in my children's behavior. Like the title promises, I'm also a lot calmer and more at peace with my motherhood. This isn't just talk, for me, this is real. I feel changed because of this book and its not just one I'm going to put back on the shelf and say, "oh, well that was nice," but its one I will continually review and implement into my parenting. I can't describe enough just how grateful I am for this book. I feel a hope I haven't felt in a long time.

  15. 4 out of 5

    Heather

    I was very apprehensive with the title because you really can't make your children do anything. But I was desperate and wanted some new ideas and thought I would see what he had to say. I was pleasantly surprised because the the whole book is about giving your children choices and letting them decide. It has a very Christian tone and quotes many scriptures. I have already implemented some of the techniques and ideas with my two boys and have seen some improvement in their behavior. One thing I w I was very apprehensive with the title because you really can't make your children do anything. But I was desperate and wanted some new ideas and thought I would see what he had to say. I was pleasantly surprised because the the whole book is about giving your children choices and letting them decide. It has a very Christian tone and quotes many scriptures. I have already implemented some of the techniques and ideas with my two boys and have seen some improvement in their behavior. One thing I would like to start is doing an allowance with them that is consistent to teach them about the value of money and importance of tithing and saving. After I had the buy in from my husband (which I used lingo from the book) we will start next week. Now my task is to see if I can get Dad to read it.

  16. 5 out of 5

    Beth A.

    This is an enjoyable book to read with lots of good parenting advice. Leman believes in using "reality discipline". With this method the consequence is connected to the inappropriate behavior in a logical or natural way. He says not to nag, but to use actions -not words- to get your message across. He says to act quickly and decisively. He says to use encouragement instead of praise or rewards. Praise focuses on the child (good boy), but encouragement focuses on the effort or task. He encourages yo This is an enjoyable book to read with lots of good parenting advice. Leman believes in using "reality discipline". With this method the consequence is connected to the inappropriate behavior in a logical or natural way. He says not to nag, but to use actions -not words- to get your message across. He says to act quickly and decisively. He says to use encouragement instead of praise or rewards. Praise focuses on the child (good boy), but encouragement focuses on the effort or task. He encourages you to build the relationship by spending enjoyable time together, and listening to your child. He says you should help your child solve their own problems as much as possible. And give them many opportunities to make choices between acceptable things.

  17. 4 out of 5

    Joe Valenti

    This is an excellent book. It was very helpful in pointing my wife and I to some fresh ways in which to use reality discipline. I thought that a lot of the methods that I was using were good - and some were. However, there were some areas where my discipline methods were not healthy and this book helped me understand why. We have been using the ideas contained in this volume over the last several weeks and are seeing benefits already. I gave it 4 stars and not 5 because it assumes that when you p This is an excellent book. It was very helpful in pointing my wife and I to some fresh ways in which to use reality discipline. I thought that a lot of the methods that I was using were good - and some were. However, there were some areas where my discipline methods were not healthy and this book helped me understand why. We have been using the ideas contained in this volume over the last several weeks and are seeing benefits already. I gave it 4 stars and not 5 because it assumes that when you put a child in time out or remove them to another room that they will stay there - problem solved. this is not the case. Often kids leave their timeout space and do other things that cause the discipline not to work. What about those times? How do I handle those?

  18. 5 out of 5

    Sarah Hinch

    This is a terrible title and cover for a book that I otherwise think is pretty great so far. In fact, I'm a little embarrassed to have it on my list and make recommendations about it because the packaging is SO misrepresentative of the content. In fact, the author would agree with me. Here's a great summary of the book taken from page 108 in my edition: "Quite possibly, by now, you understand that there is one thing wrong with [the] title: You don't make your child mind. By using the concepts of This is a terrible title and cover for a book that I otherwise think is pretty great so far. In fact, I'm a little embarrassed to have it on my list and make recommendations about it because the packaging is SO misrepresentative of the content. In fact, the author would agree with me. Here's a great summary of the book taken from page 108 in my edition: "Quite possibly, by now, you understand that there is one thing wrong with [the] title: You don't make your child mind. By using the concepts of reality discipline you guide your child toward making wise decisions about the realities of life."

  19. 4 out of 5

    Amanda

    I will be, have already, using some wisdom offered in this book. It mostly brings home the idea that childen need imediate and appropriate consiquences even if it hurts us to give it or let it happen. I liked this authors discussions regarding biblical advise on this subject. Spare the rod, spoil the child does not mean beating them with a rod. But it doea mean that we are responsible for guiding our children. Having my BS in psychology, and currently studing education, I found his "psychology" I will be, have already, using some wisdom offered in this book. It mostly brings home the idea that childen need imediate and appropriate consiquences even if it hurts us to give it or let it happen. I liked this authors discussions regarding biblical advise on this subject. Spare the rod, spoil the child does not mean beating them with a rod. But it doea mean that we are responsible for guiding our children. Having my BS in psychology, and currently studing education, I found his "psychology" somewhat wishywashy. All together a good book that would be beneficial to our scociety if every parent read it. Has made a change in my relationship with my son.

  20. 4 out of 5

    Katie

    This book was a quick fun read on how to not nag, use reality discipline which he describes as much more natural consequences than just like grounding or time out such as if your child forgets to pack their lunch for school then your child goes hungry for the day. There are many more examples than that of a more natural consequence and they should only be applied at appropriate age levels and they are to teach your child to be autonomous. It's lovingly woven with kindness and God. I won't be abl This book was a quick fun read on how to not nag, use reality discipline which he describes as much more natural consequences than just like grounding or time out such as if your child forgets to pack their lunch for school then your child goes hungry for the day. There are many more examples than that of a more natural consequence and they should only be applied at appropriate age levels and they are to teach your child to be autonomous. It's lovingly woven with kindness and God. I won't be able to tell you how effective it is for some time, but it was a recommendation from a psychologist at church with grown children ; )

  21. 4 out of 5

    Ashley

    There's not a whole lot of groundbreaking information here, but I really like the scriptural basis for the whole approach. It dovetails nicely with LDS scriptural teaching about reproving with sharpness or clarity and showing an increase of love afterward. This approach also uses a child's agency and natural consequences to teach. Though not terribly different than Dobson's methods, I found a few of the author's insights very useful, particularly on how to express love without making your love s There's not a whole lot of groundbreaking information here, but I really like the scriptural basis for the whole approach. It dovetails nicely with LDS scriptural teaching about reproving with sharpness or clarity and showing an increase of love afterward. This approach also uses a child's agency and natural consequences to teach. Though not terribly different than Dobson's methods, I found a few of the author's insights very useful, particularly on how to express love without making your love seem conditional. This approach is great beginning at almost any age, but you can do more starting about age three.

  22. 4 out of 5

    Lydia

    Of all of the parenting books I have read, this is hands-down THE BEST. Kevin Leman usually has good advice but this book is also full of practical application, which is what I was looking for! Leman explains how to parent lovingly using Reality Discipline which is what he describes as landing in the middle of being an authoritarian and too permissive. I definitely have a lot of work to do (in how I approach my children) but I noticed a difference in my child's reaction to what I was saying simp Of all of the parenting books I have read, this is hands-down THE BEST. Kevin Leman usually has good advice but this book is also full of practical application, which is what I was looking for! Leman explains how to parent lovingly using Reality Discipline which is what he describes as landing in the middle of being an authoritarian and too permissive. I definitely have a lot of work to do (in how I approach my children) but I noticed a difference in my child's reaction to what I was saying simply because I was more conscious of how she was probably perceiving what I was saying. I definitely recommend reading this book!

  23. 5 out of 5

    Carrie

    I am really glad that I am reading this book on parenting/discipline. It provides a wonderful middle ground between the permissive and authoritarian parent through what Leman describes as "reality discipline." It breaks down why punishment and reward really don't help your children or the long term goal of raising responsible adults. My only complaint is that he gets a little esoteric in the middle while talking about reality discipline when what I want are more, more and more concrete examples. I am really glad that I am reading this book on parenting/discipline. It provides a wonderful middle ground between the permissive and authoritarian parent through what Leman describes as "reality discipline." It breaks down why punishment and reward really don't help your children or the long term goal of raising responsible adults. My only complaint is that he gets a little esoteric in the middle while talking about reality discipline when what I want are more, more and more concrete examples.

  24. 4 out of 5

    Sally

    - Good starting book for someone who hasn't read a lot of parenting books. (There wasn't much new to me) - Didn't like the frequent references to Biblical verses (of course if you are Christian, this will be an advantage). - At times was a little preachy - Liked his statements regarding allowing children to fail (grades, sports, etc.) - Reality discipline is what he talks about which I know as logical consequences - Didn't agree with spanking being allowed (I had listened to the audiobook on CD) - Good starting book for someone who hasn't read a lot of parenting books. (There wasn't much new to me) - Didn't like the frequent references to Biblical verses (of course if you are Christian, this will be an advantage). - At times was a little preachy - Liked his statements regarding allowing children to fail (grades, sports, etc.) - Reality discipline is what he talks about which I know as logical consequences - Didn't agree with spanking being allowed (I had listened to the audiobook on CD)

  25. 4 out of 5

    Jodi

    Easy read with practical advice for parents. Can't say I learned anything earth-shattering, but Leman did remind me that we need to be "tougher" at meals. If our kids don't want to eat, don't make an issue out of it and NO food until the next meal so they learn to eat at meal times. Gulp! We try not to make an issue of meals in our house, but usually leave the plate on the table for the kids to come back to later. Guess we will stop that and listen to the whining for a few days until they "get w Easy read with practical advice for parents. Can't say I learned anything earth-shattering, but Leman did remind me that we need to be "tougher" at meals. If our kids don't want to eat, don't make an issue out of it and NO food until the next meal so they learn to eat at meal times. Gulp! We try not to make an issue of meals in our house, but usually leave the plate on the table for the kids to come back to later. Guess we will stop that and listen to the whining for a few days until they "get with the new program."

  26. 4 out of 5

    Jason

    Great book from a person who is also a parent and helps families. Doesn't believe in the B.S. of it takes a village to raise a child, or media is raising your kid, but instead in reality. (Concept is called reality discipline). Your kid doesn't want to eat dinner, then they go to bed hungry, you don't make special exceptions for them> You also let them lose at some things (some dumb people people believe letting a child lose will damage them, again B.S.). You even let your kids get back grades t Great book from a person who is also a parent and helps families. Doesn't believe in the B.S. of it takes a village to raise a child, or media is raising your kid, but instead in reality. (Concept is called reality discipline). Your kid doesn't want to eat dinner, then they go to bed hungry, you don't make special exceptions for them> You also let them lose at some things (some dumb people people believe letting a child lose will damage them, again B.S.). You even let your kids get back grades to show them the reality of what happens if they choose not to do their homework.

  27. 5 out of 5

    Janis

    When I read this book (quite a few years ago now), I was recommending it to anyone I came in contact with. It's wonderful (even if I don't follow it's advice very well). I still keep the scripture they use as the basis for the book as my motto for parenting--Ephesians 6:1-4. Not just kids being obedient to you, but parents being respectful of each individual child's needs. The author isn't LDS, but I got it from an LDS bookstore. Good stuff! When I read this book (quite a few years ago now), I was recommending it to anyone I came in contact with. It's wonderful (even if I don't follow it's advice very well). I still keep the scripture they use as the basis for the book as my motto for parenting--Ephesians 6:1-4. Not just kids being obedient to you, but parents being respectful of each individual child's needs. The author isn't LDS, but I got it from an LDS bookstore. Good stuff!

  28. 4 out of 5

    Laura

    This book talks about using reality discipline to teach your children. He speaks of children fighting and says that it is good for children to learn to work it out on their own, but put them outside or somewhere else so they do not disturb the rest of the family. I have tried this a few times with my boys, and they decided they would rather stay inside and get along than go outside. He gives practical examples for teaching children to be responsible for their actions.

  29. 4 out of 5

    Donell

    I bought this book at a used bookstore. I should have left it there! Had I thumbed through it a little more and seen the scripture and references to God throughout, I would have! It was just unnecessary and written in the most elementary, common sense way possible. It was horrible and I really couldn't stand it after flipping through a few chapters. It went right into my "donate to the used bookstore" bag. Haha. Hopefully they will appreciate having it back! I bought this book at a used bookstore. I should have left it there! Had I thumbed through it a little more and seen the scripture and references to God throughout, I would have! It was just unnecessary and written in the most elementary, common sense way possible. It was horrible and I really couldn't stand it after flipping through a few chapters. It went right into my "donate to the used bookstore" bag. Haha. Hopefully they will appreciate having it back!

  30. 5 out of 5

    Cindy

    This is the book we referred to when raising our kids. I still use some of his guidelines. The Seven Principles or reality discipline: 1.Establish a healthy authority over your children 2. hold your children accountable for their actions 3. let reality be the teacher 4. Use actions more than words 5. stick to your guns, but don't shoot yourself in the foot 6.relationships come before rules 7. live by your values This is the book we referred to when raising our kids. I still use some of his guidelines. The Seven Principles or reality discipline: 1.Establish a healthy authority over your children 2. hold your children accountable for their actions 3. let reality be the teacher 4. Use actions more than words 5. stick to your guns, but don't shoot yourself in the foot 6.relationships come before rules 7. live by your values

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