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The Ghost of Eternal Polygamy: Haunting the Hearts and Heaven of Mormon Women and Men

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“Polygamy?” says the mainstream Mormon Church. “We gave that up long ago.” Not so, claims noted LDS poet and author Carol Lynn Pearson, who examines the issue as it has never been examined before. Any member of the LDS Church today who enters the practice of polygamy is immediately excommunicated. However, Pearson claims, polygamy itself has never been excommunicated, but “Polygamy?” says the mainstream Mormon Church. “We gave that up long ago.” Not so, claims noted LDS poet and author Carol Lynn Pearson, who examines the issue as it has never been examined before. Any member of the LDS Church today who enters the practice of polygamy is immediately excommunicated. However, Pearson claims, polygamy itself has never been excommunicated, but has an honored and protected place at the table. It has only been postponed, a fact confirmed by thousands of “eternal sealings” giving a man an assurance that he will claim as wives in heaven the two, three, or even more women he has sequentially married during his lifetime. No such opportunity is available to women. Through her own personal stories, those of her ancestors, and the thousands of stories that came to her through an Internet survey, Pearson shows the power of the Ghost of Eternal Polygamy as it not only waits on the other side to greet the most righteous in heaven, but also haunts the living—hiding in the recesses of the Mormon psyche, inflicting profound pain and fear, assuring women that they are still objects, harming or destroying marriages, bringing chaos to family relationships, leading many to lose faith in the church and in God. Mormon historian and author Dr. Gregory Prince says of The Ghost of Eternal Polygamy: “Carol Lynn Pearson has hit a home run in her quest to illuminate both the damage that Mormonism’s de facto practice of polygamy continues to inflict, and the route to a better, more humane place. Those who truly hope for eternal polygamy or who resent any call to institutional reform will be upset, but countless others will rejoice that she has shown ‘a more excellent way.’"


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“Polygamy?” says the mainstream Mormon Church. “We gave that up long ago.” Not so, claims noted LDS poet and author Carol Lynn Pearson, who examines the issue as it has never been examined before. Any member of the LDS Church today who enters the practice of polygamy is immediately excommunicated. However, Pearson claims, polygamy itself has never been excommunicated, but “Polygamy?” says the mainstream Mormon Church. “We gave that up long ago.” Not so, claims noted LDS poet and author Carol Lynn Pearson, who examines the issue as it has never been examined before. Any member of the LDS Church today who enters the practice of polygamy is immediately excommunicated. However, Pearson claims, polygamy itself has never been excommunicated, but has an honored and protected place at the table. It has only been postponed, a fact confirmed by thousands of “eternal sealings” giving a man an assurance that he will claim as wives in heaven the two, three, or even more women he has sequentially married during his lifetime. No such opportunity is available to women. Through her own personal stories, those of her ancestors, and the thousands of stories that came to her through an Internet survey, Pearson shows the power of the Ghost of Eternal Polygamy as it not only waits on the other side to greet the most righteous in heaven, but also haunts the living—hiding in the recesses of the Mormon psyche, inflicting profound pain and fear, assuring women that they are still objects, harming or destroying marriages, bringing chaos to family relationships, leading many to lose faith in the church and in God. Mormon historian and author Dr. Gregory Prince says of The Ghost of Eternal Polygamy: “Carol Lynn Pearson has hit a home run in her quest to illuminate both the damage that Mormonism’s de facto practice of polygamy continues to inflict, and the route to a better, more humane place. Those who truly hope for eternal polygamy or who resent any call to institutional reform will be upset, but countless others will rejoice that she has shown ‘a more excellent way.’"

30 review for The Ghost of Eternal Polygamy: Haunting the Hearts and Heaven of Mormon Women and Men

  1. 4 out of 5

    Stephanie

    08/17/2016 UPDATED because it turns out I still have THOUGHTS: When my friend lent me this book I asked if it was going to make me angry and she said no. My fuse must be shorter than hers, because it made me SO angry. I was ignorant to some of the ramifications of our current doctrine and practices when it comes to temple sealings. But after reading all the submitted stories from women and men it's hard to ignore the pain it causes many individuals, couples, and families. In particular our polici 08/17/2016 UPDATED because it turns out I still have THOUGHTS: When my friend lent me this book I asked if it was going to make me angry and she said no. My fuse must be shorter than hers, because it made me SO angry. I was ignorant to some of the ramifications of our current doctrine and practices when it comes to temple sealings. But after reading all the submitted stories from women and men it's hard to ignore the pain it causes many individuals, couples, and families. In particular our policies can put young widows and their children (you know, the people the scriptures tell us to treat with extra care) in an awful position as women try to move forward and remarry within the faith. A widow must either attempt to cancel the sealing to her first spouse (and possible father of her children) or hope to marry a faithful LDS man who is ok with not being sealed to his wife and their children. Widowers, however, do not have to choose between their families. They are assured that they can have them all. It can be easy for us to say, "Well, I'm sure that stuff all gets sorted out up there," but these are issues that hurt families and limit choices now as well as make many people dread what might be waiting in heaven. I wasn't sure how Carol Lynn Pearson could assert that we can just "get rid of polygamy" in a plausible or doable way, but she shared her vision and I think she's won me over to seeing how it could happen. She says, "This departure is inevitable, I believe . . . because polygamy bears bad fruit and has failed the test of Joseph's own words, of being 'virtuous, lovely, of good report and praiseworthy.' It has proved itself to be a destroyer."

  2. 5 out of 5

    Valerie Steimle

    I have always loved the writings of Carol Lynn Pearson until now. I was devastated from reading The Ghost of Eternal Polygamy that she has promoted and even encouraged the idea of main stream members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints (LDS Church) that God does not love them because He wants His daughters to live in a polygamous relationship in Heaven.. Bull cocky!!! Under the guise of her self proclaimed "wise-woman elder" position, she discusses the doctrine of polygamy in Mormo I have always loved the writings of Carol Lynn Pearson until now. I was devastated from reading The Ghost of Eternal Polygamy that she has promoted and even encouraged the idea of main stream members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints (LDS Church) that God does not love them because He wants His daughters to live in a polygamous relationship in Heaven.. Bull cocky!!! Under the guise of her self proclaimed "wise-woman elder" position, she discusses the doctrine of polygamy in Mormonism from its beginnings to modern day. The writing was excellent but it had a dark pall about it as she shows the findings of a survey taken by LDS Church members who have felt heart aches and terror from thinking that the only way to the top of Heaven is through plural wives marrying one man. This is just not so. There were 8,000 people who participated in her survey for the book. I took this survey as well. I distinctly remember thinking that the wording of this survey was manipulating a certain idea... and that idea was that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints were misleading their members into temple "sealing" marriages unknowingly to "trick" them into polygamy. To tell them that they were required to live in a polygamous relationship in order to get to the highest kingdom of Heaven. I was one of the few in number who was happy or not bothered by the doctrine of polygamy because I know that we would never be forced to do something by God we would NOT want to do. That is called "Agency" and that is what we were given when we came to earth. Somehow, Mrs. Pearson forgot to mention this aspect of our lives in her book. A quote conveniently omitted from this book would give the relief of many men and women who she said were haunted by the idea of required polygamy: "Do not speculate about whether plural marriage is a requirement for the celestial kingdom. We have no knowledge that plural marriage will be a requirement for exaltation." This was a direct quote to Seminary teachers of the LDS Church for their classroom lessons on polygamy. We have the true gospel of Jesus Christ and yes there are the unfortunate cruel Priesthood leaders as was written about in the book, but God is not cruel. According to this book, there are many heartbroken, woman and men who either left the Church or lives in contempt as a member because of the doctrines of polygamy still hanging over their heads when they pass away. I am a member in good standing with my temple recommend in hand and a sealed spouse waiting for me in Heaven and I was greatly disturbed by Mrs. Pearson’s writings of this book. The nagging feeling of dread throughout this whole narrative is not at all the feeling of how most of the adult members feel about polygamy. God loves his children. He loves his daughters and his sons equally. I know this but those many people who made comments in this book don't believe that. Even worse Mrs. Pearson promotes their wallowing and cries of an unloving God who would force or pressure all of his righteous children to live in polygamous relationships. If you are disturbed by this idea, then you won't want to read this book. I almost regret reading it myself but I did so to be open minded and discuss its principals with a friend. Don't be duped by what is written. Know that we are God's children who are greatly loved and would not be forced or pressured to do anything we would not want to do.

  3. 5 out of 5

    Tessa

    I will start by saying that I have a lot of feelings surrounding polygamy. A lot. You can't come out of reading D&C 132 (the whole text, not just the one fluffy feel good verse that gets read in Sunday School) without a lot of complicated feels. And then you dig more into the messy history and the accounts of people who actually lived it. And then there's everything with how the practice continues in fundamentalist groups. And it goes on, just a big mess with no simple or straightforward answers I will start by saying that I have a lot of feelings surrounding polygamy. A lot. You can't come out of reading D&C 132 (the whole text, not just the one fluffy feel good verse that gets read in Sunday School) without a lot of complicated feels. And then you dig more into the messy history and the accounts of people who actually lived it. And then there's everything with how the practice continues in fundamentalist groups. And it goes on, just a big mess with no simple or straightforward answers. Carol Lynn (beautiful writer, faithful Mormon, not anti at all, but nor will she shy away from telling her truth) wades through all that mess to highlight an angle that hasn't been talked about a whole lot: how polygamy haunts modern Mormons and modern Mormonism. She takes the fears and pain that have been locked away and placed on "the shelf" and brings them out into the open. Most of the book deals with her own personal journey with the doctrine of polygamy, including stories from her family history. But she also includes excerpts of the thousands of stories people sent her about how this doctrine has affected them. Men unable to cancel a sealing to an unfaithful ex-wife. Widows who cannot be sealed to their new husbands without cancelling their sealing to their first husbands. Children who are sealed to a man they've never met rather than to their biological father. Women and men haunted by the fear that polygamy will be required in the eternities. Really the only perspective she leaves out is that of single members, which was a serious omission and is my only criticism of the book. I have a single friend with three standing serious not joking offers to join existing marriages if polygamy is brought back; and that's just a whole other messy angle. Pearson does not attempt to give an orthodox justification of polygamy. Rather, her conclusion is that the Mormon church cannot come to a model of equal partnership until it sheds the burden of polygamy. For real, not just "we don't do that anymore, except sort of kind of" but decanonizing 132 and clearly repudiating the teachings of the past. That conclusion isn't going to sit well with some members, but despite that this is not an antagonistic book. Pearson is a person who, more than anyone I've seen before, holds great love for the LDS church while holding it accountable for its faults. She sincerely wants this church to be the best it can be, and she sees that potential even when it is hidden under mountains of pain. She never fails to imbue her words with this sense of almost paradoxical hope. The tone of the book follows the way she describes her feelings about Joseph: "for I still love Brother Joseph. I love him after the pattern of Emma Hale. I love him with a heart he broke a long time ago." This book is love and heartbreak and pain and hope and potential all rolled into one. It is a book I think every Mormon needs to read, whether to understand why people are so torn up by something we supposedly abandoned so long ago, or to come to peace with the practice themselves. And because I can't pass up an opportunity to link my favorite of her poems, here is "Pioneers."

  4. 4 out of 5

    Elisha Condie

    Holy cow this was SO GOOD. So good. I can't even get over it. I heard the author on RadioWest, and was just bowled over by how sincere she was and how much she cared about both the LDS church and this topic, one in which she's basically arguing how wrong the church is about it. I don't want to get into the nuts and bolts of Mormon theology in this review, just know that we Mormons believe that if you marry in the temple then your marriage is eternal and you are sealed to one another and your c Holy cow this was SO GOOD. So good. I can't even get over it. I heard the author on RadioWest, and was just bowled over by how sincere she was and how much she cared about both the LDS church and this topic, one in which she's basically arguing how wrong the church is about it. I don't want to get into the nuts and bolts of Mormon theology in this review, just know that we Mormons believe that if you marry in the temple then your marriage is eternal and you are sealed to one another and your children even in the afterlife. Which is a lovely idea. Not so lovely at all is the fact that men can be married in the temple as many times as they want, sealed to each and every wife. Women get one shot at being sealed to someone. So if you're a young Mormon widow (like me), you are left in this weird lonely space - never married Mormon guys would never be interested in you because you're sealed to someone else. Or what if you're a single Mormon woman who marries a Mormon man who was once married in the temple? Now you're technically sealed to him AND his former wife? Noooo, thank you. What Pearson does so masterfully is explain the doctrine and how it came about and the reasons it is flawed. And she has hundreds of people who have written to her and explained in all the different ways how this doctrine is harmful to them personally, as well as their entire faith. I found it completely comforting to know I wasn't alone in my worries about this troublesome belief in a church I think means well. And it's not a topic that invites much discussion at any kind of church gathering, so it was just a breath of fresh air to have a book about it. I'm a big fan of Pearson and this book and I think it should be required reading for all of us. Very thought provoking and convincing, while all the while remaining respectful of the organization itself.

  5. 5 out of 5

    Katie

    Though the LDS church would like to banish polygamy as a relic of its past, polygamy is unfortunately still with us today through current sealing practices. Our admission of spiritual polygamy allows a culture in which women can still be viewed as accessories to a man's eternal progression and glory. This view, if left to flourish within a patriarchy (no matter how benevolent) confounds family relationships, the identity of our heavenly parents, and our own eternal progression. There will be no Though the LDS church would like to banish polygamy as a relic of its past, polygamy is unfortunately still with us today through current sealing practices. Our admission of spiritual polygamy allows a culture in which women can still be viewed as accessories to a man's eternal progression and glory. This view, if left to flourish within a patriarchy (no matter how benevolent) confounds family relationships, the identity of our heavenly parents, and our own eternal progression. There will be no peace for us as a church until the current practice of spiritual polygamy is entirely elucidated or entirely eradicated. Carol Lynn Pearson, a wise seer and poetess, offers a voice of comfort to all affected and a voice of change to the church. Will we listen?

  6. 4 out of 5

    Adrianna

    I feel very conflicted about this book. I want to give it more stars for the topic, but I disliked the author's voice so much that it was a bit off-putting. I had to slog along through much of the book. She presented herself as a "wise elder" of the tribe here to impart wisdom, which I find repelling, and there was a fair amount of self-promotion in the book (bringing in pieces of her other work), that I also personally found distasteful. However: It's a discussion that needs to happen more openl I feel very conflicted about this book. I want to give it more stars for the topic, but I disliked the author's voice so much that it was a bit off-putting. I had to slog along through much of the book. She presented herself as a "wise elder" of the tribe here to impart wisdom, which I find repelling, and there was a fair amount of self-promotion in the book (bringing in pieces of her other work), that I also personally found distasteful. However: It's a discussion that needs to happen more openly in the church. It's time for an end to polygamy once and for all--a complete divorce from it. The responses to a survey she conducted about people's feelings on polygamy are at the end of each chapter, and they are poignant. When you see how this idea of eternal polygamy is affecting real-life, current-day situations, it's a wonder more hasn't been done about it thus far. Men who refuse to date widows because they've already been sealed to one husband and cannot be sealed to another, men who've been taught that their own biological children belong to the deceased or divorced husband of the woman they're currently married to, women who feel they can't give all of their love to their husbands for fear they will shatter completely when they are called to live the principle of polygamy in heaven, young women who are scared to marry at all, men who relish the idea of multiple sexual partners and who keep a roving eye out for potential other wives, the inherent idea that women are property to be given in marriage but not to receive in marriage, or that women are lesser than their male counterparts. It is a wholly destructive teaching. It was a mistake from the beginning and it's time we put it to rest.

  7. 4 out of 5

    Sharman Wilson

    This book elicits so many negative emotions, as it should. These feelings come from my ancestral past, from my maternal great great grandmother Lavina Young, who married John D. Lee as a 13th or 14th wife (she and her sister Polly married him on the same day). They come, unbidden and still painful, from a relatively recent personal family trauma. And yet, life is messy, and my feelings can also be ambivalent. My own beloved sister died at age 35, leaving 3 children and a wonderful husband who la This book elicits so many negative emotions, as it should. These feelings come from my ancestral past, from my maternal great great grandmother Lavina Young, who married John D. Lee as a 13th or 14th wife (she and her sister Polly married him on the same day). They come, unbidden and still painful, from a relatively recent personal family trauma. And yet, life is messy, and my feelings can also be ambivalent. My own beloved sister died at age 35, leaving 3 children and a wonderful husband who later married a divorced woman (a good friend of theirs) who took my sister's motherless children under her wing and gave them a step-brother and then two half brothers that we love. I have no idea how all of this will shake out, but I appreciate that Carol Lynn Pearson has looked at this uncomfortable subject so carefully and passionately. Thanks to her, the personal stories of so many women cannot be swept back under the rug, and for every story in the book, there are probably hundreds, maybe thousands more. Thank you, Carol Lynn. You are one brave pioneer!

  8. 5 out of 5

    Alice

    Bless Carol Lynn Pearson. She has a gift for telling it like it is, naming things that are wrong as such, but in a way that expresses love and hope. I learned more about my own history reading this book, and also gained a deep sense of validation for my own feelings about polygamy.

  9. 5 out of 5

    Leanne

    I have put off writing this review for months simply because the book means so much to me, and my own words are inadequate to convey why that is. Sometimes my very favorite books receive no more than a couple of lines from me for that very reason. Since I love this author, and I know the book is not getting all the attention it deserves, I will add my tiny voice. First off, there is so much more to this book than a discussion of polygamy in the LDS church. That said, I am not sure if this book w I have put off writing this review for months simply because the book means so much to me, and my own words are inadequate to convey why that is. Sometimes my very favorite books receive no more than a couple of lines from me for that very reason. Since I love this author, and I know the book is not getting all the attention it deserves, I will add my tiny voice. First off, there is so much more to this book than a discussion of polygamy in the LDS church. That said, I am not sure if this book will appeal to those who are not from a Mormon background or at least familiar with Mormon history. On the other hand, if you are a fan of the movement to dare greatly and speak authentically, I can think of no better example to follow than Carol Lynn Pearson who bared her soul first in her poetry books, next in her account about her gay husband, more books and plays, and now in her public stand for change in the church where she remains a contributing member. She is my hero. Carol Lynn Pearson, I believe, is the only one who could write such a sensitive book and pull of the tightrope act of balance between sympathy for the Joseph Smith and scathing honesty. She writes: "My choice is not between either honoring our founding prophet or acknowledging that he made a significant error. I choose both. I can love King David for 'The Lord is my shepherd...' even though this is the same man who arranged the death of Uriah after taking his wife Bathsheba in adultery. Quantum physics has proven light to be at once both wave and particle. Like David, Joseph was at once both a man of God an a man of earth, and he never claimed to be perfect." p. 70 Throughout the book Carol Lynn shares personal reflections from men and women, alive today, who are still experiencing the pain that comes with the doctrine of polygamy as taught in LDS scriptures. These accounts add weight to Pearson's claim that doctrine continues to inflict pain on church members; nevertheless, those sections drag compared to the author's own prose. Carol Lynn Pearson is a poet, and her prose soars. "When heaven has an earthquake you fall to your knees and feel through the rubble to find the pieces of God. When my eternal temple-blessed marriage shattered and everything that had been meaningful lay in jumbled shards around me, I had to slowly and carefully pick up every single piece and examine it, turning it over and over, to see if it was worthy to keep and to use in building a new house of meaning. . .I asked only, 'Do I see God's fingerprints on this? Does this little piece feel godly? Does it speak of love? That made it easy. I was forever finished with the insane attempt to love a God who hurts me. When I picked up the little piece of God-ordained polygamy, I smiled because there was no question. I thanked the God of Love, and I threw that piece away." pg. 69 There is so much more in this book that I would love to tell everyone about. The final three chapters of the book are beautiful and strong--full of messages that I wish would be studied in traditional Mormon Relief Society meetings. Unfortunately I don't imagine that will happen, although I would be more than willing to come back to full Mormon activity if they would let me teach Carol Lynn's clarion call for a shift in the LDS world view to a more loving, respectful, inclusive narrative. "In my fantasy, it's a parade of religions, all come together to celebrate, to show their very best stuff, and to admire each other's best stuff. . . . We've come together not to compete, but to share joy and learn. 'Here's what we have found that has proven to be godly. what have you found?' " pg. 204-205 Like Carol Lynn, I can dream.

  10. 5 out of 5

    Staci

    5 stars for the writing and cohesive, well cited book. 4 stars because it's so hard to read. I can't say "I loved it" because it's painful to experience. Ms. Pearson paints an honest, and therefore, quite ugly picture of the real harm of polygamy to LDS members past and present. This book will haunt you. Outsiders will read it and think "Wait, they really do this? They REALLY believe this?" And insiders will be forced to confront that even in modern day 2016 every Mormon couple has to talk about 5 stars for the writing and cohesive, well cited book. 4 stars because it's so hard to read. I can't say "I loved it" because it's painful to experience. Ms. Pearson paints an honest, and therefore, quite ugly picture of the real harm of polygamy to LDS members past and present. This book will haunt you. Outsiders will read it and think "Wait, they really do this? They REALLY believe this?" And insiders will be forced to confront that even in modern day 2016 every Mormon couple has to talk about whether or not they are ok with polygamy. And that a woman's willingness to say "yes" to her husband taking a 2nd or 3rd wife or dozens in the eternities is considered by many a measuring stick of her righteousness and goodness. That many LDS women who tell their husbands that they are NOT ok with him taking more wives, are considered too selfish to live God's law. This is still a thing, that many women believe they are the Isaac that has to be sacrificed. But the author makes a poignant and unabashed, faithful argument that LDS women are not actually supposed to be sacrificed on an altar for a God who values them as props. Isaac afterall, was saved by the appearance of a ram in a thicket. That under past and even current temple practices, there is no ram in the thicket for LDS women. This work is smart, compassionate, horrible and beautiful. It makes the case for ending the practice that would heal families and move the work of the Church forward. It offers a window into a better way. Some members will have a hard time that a woman wrote this. The LDS church believes all revelation about how the Church should change comes strictly from the 15 (white 70+ year old) men in charge of directing the Good Ship Zion. Some will find it blasphemous and therefore, wrong to consider the thoughts and spiritual insights of a woman on these matters. But Joseph Smith himself said we celebrate truth wherever we find it and so many of the ideals and goals and dreams set forth by Ms Pearson ring true. Golly, I wish members would read this. All women. Bishops, Stake Presidents, area authorities and of course, the 15 men in charge. They really should. It might be a bitter pill, and most of them have 2nd wives already. All I know is that the books was well done, and I wish I could foist on anyone LDS willing enough to get uncomfortable and then hopeful with this book. Because it's not for the faint of heart.

  11. 4 out of 5

    Sharon

    So happy to see my unformed thoughts and beliefs in print! Grateful for CLP who is eloquent and brave and has presented this material in a kind, faithful and bold way. A couple of my favorites: Her generous quote regarding Joseph Smith (based on a lovely thought by Dinah Craik)- "I count myself as a friend to Brother Joseph, and I wish to honor him like this. I hold the fullness of his life in the palm of my hand, chaff and grain together. I keep the many kernels worth keeping, and with the brea So happy to see my unformed thoughts and beliefs in print! Grateful for CLP who is eloquent and brave and has presented this material in a kind, faithful and bold way. A couple of my favorites: Her generous quote regarding Joseph Smith (based on a lovely thought by Dinah Craik)- "I count myself as a friend to Brother Joseph, and I wish to honor him like this. I hold the fullness of his life in the palm of my hand, chaff and grain together. I keep the many kernels worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away." "Here are my beliefs regarding what must and will happen to achieve a Mormon future that is truly post-polygamy: Belief #1-A couple who chooses to marry in the temple can go into that holy place and stand on equal ground. Belief #2- Section 132 of the Doctrine and Covenants will receive an "inspired revision" with plural marriage removed from the cannon so that women and girls will be spared the wounding to our femaleness that we receive today. Belief #3-The doctrine of plural marriage will be disavowed entirely and no long considered the Word of God as pertains to history, the present, or the eternal future." And reading the book is absolutely worthwhile just for CLP's imagined disavowel that parallels the "Race and the Priesthood" essay from 2013: "In Nauvoo and early Utah, church leaders and members advanced many theories to explain the presence of polygamy in our doctrine and practice. Some taught that it was mandated as "a restitution of all things," that is was essential to multiply and replenish the earth, or that it was necessary for highest glory in the eternities. Today, the church disavows the theories and practices advanced in the past that a polygamous marriage is essential or advantageous for the highest level of exaltation--that in this life or in the next a man, but not a woman, may create more than one marriage relationship that is binding for eternity--that we have many Mothers in Heaven--and that a woman who refuses plural marriage is in danger of being destroyed. The anticipation of plural marriage in heaven is not correct doctrine and--along with the sexism inherent in that principle--is unequivocally condemned by the church." From her mouth (and mine) to God's ear.

  12. 4 out of 5

    Jarinete

    Mormon feminist friends be warned, this one will pierce your heart. It’s also dripping with white feminism, so watch out for that. The series of stories highlight the point of the book: “being treated with politeness, consideration, even respect is different from being treated as equal...we may say we value women, but what we mean is we love their service, we want their sacrifice. We don’t want their wholeness and their perspectives and their humanity.” If you’re looking for about 200 pages of s Mormon feminist friends be warned, this one will pierce your heart. It’s also dripping with white feminism, so watch out for that. The series of stories highlight the point of the book: “being treated with politeness, consideration, even respect is different from being treated as equal...we may say we value women, but what we mean is we love their service, we want their sacrifice. We don’t want their wholeness and their perspectives and their humanity.” If you’re looking for about 200 pages of stories that will make you ragey, confused, and racked with feelings of betrayal one minute then proud and grateful the next—I say go for it. Then come talk to me after.

  13. 4 out of 5

    Josh

    I grew up singing songs written by Carol Lynn Pearson in my LDS primary activities. Little did I know that I would eventually revisit her work as an adult after leaving the LDS church. At first, I didn't have a great deal of interest in reading this book because Pearson continues to be a practicing Latter-day Saint, and I assumed that with that came a lack of nuance. I'm glad to report that I couldn't have been more wrong. Pearson carefully weaves in dozens of stories of men and women (whose sto I grew up singing songs written by Carol Lynn Pearson in my LDS primary activities. Little did I know that I would eventually revisit her work as an adult after leaving the LDS church. At first, I didn't have a great deal of interest in reading this book because Pearson continues to be a practicing Latter-day Saint, and I assumed that with that came a lack of nuance. I'm glad to report that I couldn't have been more wrong. Pearson carefully weaves in dozens of stories of men and women (whose stories could easily have inhabited a book of their own) with her experiences in regards to the patriarchy of the church, its history of polygamy, and the future of polygamy in a 21st century church. It is a fresh, bold vision she has of the LDS church's future, one in which the ghost of eternal polygamy is excised for good, and men and women alike thrive together in creating the best spiritual families and communities possible. But, this vision does not come without the acknowledgement of the thousands upon thousands of women who have been harmed by the patriarchal society that is currently Mormonism. The stories may be anonymous, but the pain they all share is communal. The LDS church would do well to heed this book as they did Lester Bush's seminal work on blacks and the priesthood, "Mormonism's Negro Doctrine: An Historical Overview." The leaders of the church have the power to create and rescind doctrines as they see fit. But, in an age where the church is only beginning to acknowledge that Joseph Smith married 33 women, including a few teenage girls, I fear Pearson will not live to see her vision. Worse yet, I worry that she may find herself in a disciplinary court for publishing this work which does not paint the current state of church affairs in the brightest of lights. I hope that is not the case. Regardless, this book deserves the attention of every Latter-day Saint. Pearson's story, and the stories of so many others, must be read, painful as they may be. It will not be soon forgotten in the Mormon consciousness.

  14. 5 out of 5

    Cynthia

    I can't decide whether to give this book 4 or 5 stars, so I'm going to split the difference at 4.5. This book centers around a tough topic, and I think Carol Lynn covers it beautifully. I can't remember when I first learned that a man could still be sealed to more than one woman in the LDS church, but I do know that for years I thought that if I could just be righteous enough I would be able to stand the thought of my husband being sealed to another woman if I died before him. Even as I type tho I can't decide whether to give this book 4 or 5 stars, so I'm going to split the difference at 4.5. This book centers around a tough topic, and I think Carol Lynn covers it beautifully. I can't remember when I first learned that a man could still be sealed to more than one woman in the LDS church, but I do know that for years I thought that if I could just be righteous enough I would be able to stand the thought of my husband being sealed to another woman if I died before him. Even as I type those words out I can feel how ridiculous it is. There is a quote on page 184 of the book that, when I read it to my husband he wondered if I had written it. It really could have been me, but it wasn't. It says "The inequality of gender roles in the church clouds almost everything for me right now. Male privilege nearly always trumps female need. Am I to play second fiddle not only in this life but in the life to come? Polygamy and the church's sealing practice suggest that. My dissatisfaction seems to increase as my husband has more time-intensive callings (he is currently serving as the bishop in our ward). I have flat-out told him that if there is polygamy in the next life, and we are supposed to be a part of it, I'm gone. I would choose hell. And he believes me." I would, in fact, choose hell. I hope that there is some antiquated stuff in this book, that there are no longer CES teachers who teach about eternal polygamy in seminary or institute, but I know from the vague explanations that my own stake president has given me that a lot of men still think about the possibility of it being real, and that a lot of women that I know dread the thought. Carol Lynn Pearson is a lot more generous than I am in her assessments of some of the earlier prophets. I really see very little good in Brigham Young (maybe he was just a great organizer and the Lord needed him for that?), and I feel like Joseph Smith got seriously off track those last few years in Nauvoo, but Pearson tries to be optimistic about their roles, particularly in regards to Joseph Smith. This book brought me a lot of comfort as I read of the stories of women and men who have had serious struggles with eternal polygamy as I have. Carol Lynn Pearson is an artist, and so some of the passages are a bit over dramatic, and it's hard to guess at what may have happened so many years ago, but the real stories were great, and I appreciate her taking the time to compile so many worthwhile thoughts. My conclusion? Joseph Smith was seriously misguided, Brigham Young was completely wrong, and the men in charge of the church today continue to be wrong so long as they continue to allow men to be sealed to multiple women. Either we discontinue the practice completely, or we extend the same privilege to women and let God sort it out in the end. I don't believe we will practice this in heaven and I reject D&C 132. It's a practice that is extremely harmful and demoralizing to women. My spirit tells me it is not from God. And if it turns out that polygamy is practiced in heaven? Well, you certainly won't find me there, and I think I'll be just fine with that.

  15. 5 out of 5

    Kristin

    I've read many books about LDS history in the past 8 years. But this book. This book. It touched me in a way I've never felt before. Every feeling, every struggle I've had with polygamy was not only addressed in this book, but completely validated. And yet, this book is so much more than a book about polygamy. It's about women in the church, men in the church, and the policies that have created where we are now. Pearson is a master storyteller and an active, faithful member (I feel that bears me I've read many books about LDS history in the past 8 years. But this book. This book. It touched me in a way I've never felt before. Every feeling, every struggle I've had with polygamy was not only addressed in this book, but completely validated. And yet, this book is so much more than a book about polygamy. It's about women in the church, men in the church, and the policies that have created where we are now. Pearson is a master storyteller and an active, faithful member (I feel that bears mentioning for those who may dismiss this book for that reason) She takes you on a journey through the pain, grief, and frustration polygamy has caused for so many. She clearly illustrates the problems this policy has created, helping those who haven't been directly touched by it, or may not have though about it, truly understand the problems a polygamy practiced in heaven presents. There were so many quotes I loved, so I'm putting them all in for you to peruse: "We may say we value women, but what we mean is we love their service, we want their sacrifice. We don't want their wholeness and their perspectives and their humanity." "My choice is not between either honoring our founding prophet or acknowledging that he made a significant error. I choose both. I can love King David for 'The Lord is my shepherd...' even though this is the same man who arranged the death of Uriah after taking his wife Bathsheba in adultery. Quantum physics has proven light to be at once both wave and particle. Like David, Joseph was at once both a man of God an a man of earth, and he never claimed to be perfect." "We Mormons are organized. And we are committed by covenant to be a godly people. We've missed the mark a bunch of times and organized a few terrible things. Individually we stumble a lot. But the godly impulse still flows, like the river, moving around the rocks. When there is clarity, when we walk by the Rule, we are powerful." Polygamy haunted me until, as an adult, I rejected the teaching all together. Having experienced firsthand the effects of this policy as I went through my own sealing cancellation, I know the God I believe in doesn't, can't condone this philosophy. Whether you're passionate about the subject or want to know what the fuss is about, read this book!

  16. 4 out of 5

    Lauren

    I have a love-hate relationship with this book. There were so many, *so many*, moments of "Woah! I never knew that before!" and even many "Wow. I've thought these very thoughts," which - obviously - bodes well for how I feel about the book in the end. But then... I'm not really sure that I appreciate the writing style of Carol Lynn Pearson... at least not in context of this book and its subject matter. The Ghost of Eternal Polygamy is part scholarly work (complete with sociological research), part I have a love-hate relationship with this book. There were so many, *so many*, moments of "Woah! I never knew that before!" and even many "Wow. I've thought these very thoughts," which - obviously - bodes well for how I feel about the book in the end. But then... I'm not really sure that I appreciate the writing style of Carol Lynn Pearson... at least not in context of this book and its subject matter. The Ghost of Eternal Polygamy is part scholarly work (complete with sociological research), part memoir, part fiction (no, really), part apologetics, part revolt. That being said, I personally would have found her treatment of the subject far more compelling if: 1) she left out the fictitious bits. I understand that she's trying to illustrate a point, but, just, no. 2) she wasn't so hell bent on making sure that we all know that she loves the prophets and the Church and blah blah blah. And, 3) she didn't write a quasi-scholarly book as though it were poetry. Now, full disclosure: I am a disaffected Mormon. More precisely, I was a convert who stayed for ten years, in anguish 90% of the time, and then promptly removed my names from the membership rolls after several of the LDS Church's more abhorrent policies and "doctrines" became so disgusting that staying was tantamount to lending my approval. So, yes, I have a clear prejudice against the church and its policies... and Carol Lynn Pearson wasn't writing to me - her audience was clearly not meant to be someone like me. I think this work was intended for someone more like those I associate(d) with in the church: a good Mormon women who are plagued with questions, but who ultimately want to stay. So, can I fault Pearson for not fulfulling my desires? No. It's a good book, an easy, quick read (despite the fact that it'll blow your mind). I just didn't happen to like it all that much.

  17. 5 out of 5

    Ynna

    My best advice for reading this book is to make sure you are able to discuss it with other women upon completion. I think Carol Lynn Pearson did a good job presenting her thoughts and feelings on polygamy in the LDS church as well as representing the views of hundreds of practicing and ex-members of the Church. I do think Pearson worked hard to sterilize her true opinion (although I can't speak on what it actually is); a lot of this book is praising Joseph Smith and proclaiming her love for the My best advice for reading this book is to make sure you are able to discuss it with other women upon completion. I think Carol Lynn Pearson did a good job presenting her thoughts and feelings on polygamy in the LDS church as well as representing the views of hundreds of practicing and ex-members of the Church. I do think Pearson worked hard to sterilize her true opinion (although I can't speak on what it actually is); a lot of this book is praising Joseph Smith and proclaiming her love for the first president of the Church in addition to reassuring readers she is in fact an active and happy member of the LDS church. These things could all be true, but it read very forced to me. Polygamy in the LDS church is a disturbing principle which gets swept under the rug and discussed in hushed tones, and when brought up in regular social circles, quickly disregarded as an embarrassing part of Mormon history. Despite these attempts, polygamy continues to torture members of the church, destroying relationships between husbands and wives and leads to many men and women leaving the Church. I think this book contains important ideas and messages of hope for those struggling with the principle of polygamy in the Church, but again, I think it's so important to be able to read this and discuss it with women. The ideas and accounts in this book weighed on my heart for a while, and I was only relieved of this sorrow after discussing with fellow female members of the Church. We may say we value women, but what we mean is we love their service, we want their sacrifice. We don't want their wholeness and their perspectives and their humanity.

  18. 4 out of 5

    Rachel

    I'm having a hard time reviewing this book. I am giving it a 5 because of how important I think the message is, though I am not crazy about some of the prose and find bits of the historical analysis and future applications slightly less nuanced compared to some other accounts I have read (Laurel Thatcher Ulrich's House Full of Females, for example). I do, however, agree with the basic thesis. Polygamy = destructive, we must urgently answer for it and stop hurting women. My favorite parts were th I'm having a hard time reviewing this book. I am giving it a 5 because of how important I think the message is, though I am not crazy about some of the prose and find bits of the historical analysis and future applications slightly less nuanced compared to some other accounts I have read (Laurel Thatcher Ulrich's House Full of Females, for example). I do, however, agree with the basic thesis. Polygamy = destructive, we must urgently answer for it and stop hurting women. My favorite parts were the powerful and tragic anecdotes Pearson shares from other people, which adds rich context for her narrative. This book was an awakening for me. No one I know who has ready this book has been unaffected. I always thought people's problem with polygamy in the church was that it was practiced historically. I had no idea it was still haunting people today in truly terrible ways. I hope to do my part to raise more awareness about the pain this causes so many women in the church. We have to listen. Pearson is a prolific writer with a gift for words, and I am grateful she took on this important subject.

  19. 4 out of 5

    Valerie Sanchez

    Full of heartbreaking stories about the pain surrounding polygamy as practiced by the Mormon Church.

  20. 4 out of 5

    Anneli

    Polygamy feels like a dirty word in mainstream mormonism (officially known as the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, which the church has a strong preference to be called so I'll respectfully refer to it as the church moving forward). We don't talk about. So it came to be that I didn't learn of Brigham Young (2nd LDS prophet)'s polygamy until a high school history class. I didn't learn of Joseph Smith (first prophet)'s polygamy until I was 30. (Joseph hid polygamy due to its illegal st Polygamy feels like a dirty word in mainstream mormonism (officially known as the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, which the church has a strong preference to be called so I'll respectfully refer to it as the church moving forward). We don't talk about. So it came to be that I didn't learn of Brigham Young (2nd LDS prophet)'s polygamy until a high school history class. I didn't learn of Joseph Smith (first prophet)'s polygamy until I was 30. (Joseph hid polygamy due to its illegal standing and social disdain that amounted to his murder. Brigham was able to live polygamy openly after the Saints removed themselves from their haters and established their Zion in Utah.) In both realizations, I found myself completely disoriented and unsettled. You see, everyone in good standing in the mainstream church living today is monogamous (albeit with a loophole I'll explain later). People are excommunicated for practicing polygamy. It didn't make sense that today's church was rooted in polygamy. It didn't make sense that we don't talk about it. It didn't make sense that church lessons, movies and plays about Joseph featured monogamous romance with his first and only legal wife Emma, a far cry from reality. At various points, I mentioned my despair to people and no one wanted to touch it. So I was left processing alone and my wound festered. Thus I find myself a disaffected member and 35 year old reading the book of a woman, an active church member, who is bravely willing to talk about polygamy. She includes a collection of stories of many people also suffering. Finally, after 20 years of processing, I feel less alone. Pearson disproves many of the arguments intended to justify church polygamy. (e.g., that persecution resulted in the killing of men leaving a surplus of women to be cared for). She includes the testimonies of women who practiced it (which unfortunately many people don't realize exist, or perhaps they don't want to know about since we're uncomfortable talking about polygamy). She confronts some of the most problematic aspects of Joseph's polygamy (that he was sexual with many of his wives, that he married a 14 year old, that he hid from Emma his marriage to a pair of sisters then later staged a false second ceremony to check off the requirement that a first wife must consent to new marriages, that he married women already married to husbands away serving missions, that his wives were passed as property to Brigham and others after he died). She concludes that polygamy is and always was wrong, that we must remove polygamy from church practice and doctrine in order to move on. (For those who don't know, polygamy is canonized in Doctrine & Covenants 132 as part of the "new and everlasting covenant," so it's lasting, not to mention still practiced by men who are separated from earlier wives through death or legal divorce then sealed, or temple married, to additional wives. Meanwhile, a woman cannot be sealed to more than one husband and must obtain her ex-husband's permission for their sealing to be canceled.) Despite her heart ache, Pearson writes from the compassionate view of an active member who sees a lot of value in the church and won't abandon it. She maintains optimism that doctrine reversal is attainable, citing the reversal of black men being banned from the priesthood and the revision of associated scripture in 1978. (The church's former institution of racism was then characterized as an error that resulted from our country's systemic racism.) I appreciated Pearson's optimism and love for the church. She shows the path for people who are bitter but still wanting to hang on to good parts of our culture. I recommend this book for anyone feeling they're going crazy and/or feeling alone about church polygamy. And, just so you know, you can always talk with me. PS To be explicitly clear, while I agree with Pearson's conclusion that church polygamy is wrong, because it was not founded in "hell yes" consent rather in coercion, I do not agree with her conclusion that polygamy is inferior to monogamy for everybody. I am happy for my adult friends practicing true consenting polyamory. To each their own!

  21. 4 out of 5

    Steven

    The "Ghost" in "the Ghost of Eternal Polygamy" refers to some of the uncertainties that surround the doctrine and historical practice of plural marriage in the LDS church. To be clear, the LDS church and its living adherents have not practiced civil plural marriage for over one hundred years. Yet, a modern LDS woman could still find herself anticipating a plural marriage. For example, she could precede her husband in death. Her surviving husband might eventually marry another woman. If both marr The "Ghost" in "the Ghost of Eternal Polygamy" refers to some of the uncertainties that surround the doctrine and historical practice of plural marriage in the LDS church. To be clear, the LDS church and its living adherents have not practiced civil plural marriage for over one hundred years. Yet, a modern LDS woman could still find herself anticipating a plural marriage. For example, she could precede her husband in death. Her surviving husband might eventually marry another woman. If both marriages are for eternity, the deceased may find herself having to share her husband with at least one other woman in the afterlife. Additional uncertainty comes from the implication in canonized scripture (Doctrine and Covenants, section 132) that plural marriage is a higher and more godly form of marriage, that once a man learns about it he must practice it, and, also, that any woman who does not continue to love and live with her husband in a plural marriage will be destroyed. The book presents some of the historical and doctrinal origins of these uncertainties and their effects on modern day LDS women. It also presents the author's own musings and meditations on the topic. The most interesting parts, however, are the published responses to a survey conducted by the author of people's experiences with this "ghost." Many of these responses resonated with my wife and several resonated with me. For example, my father is a widower who remarried a really wonderful woman. She and her children have brought joy into my life, my family's life, and my father's life. I'm glad she's in my life. But, in my current understanding, it is hard to imagine my father, mother, and step mother all living together. I don't know how that will work. Nobody does. It is clear to me, and to the respondents, that what is known about the topic is insufficient to put the issue rest. You would think that, with the title "The Ghost of Eternal Polygamy" and with an introduction such as the above two paragraphs, this would be a very angry book. But that is not the case. Carol Lynn Pearson appreciates the paradox that lies in section 132 and also in Joseph Smith himself. Joseph Smith may have practiced plural marriage in some sketchy ways, but he was also the type of person who would reliably give his last pair of boots to someone in need. Likewise, though section 132 contains the above implications, it also teaches that family relationships are important in heaven, and that death cannot rob a person of their family. This is very important to me. I look forward to talking to my mother again. I find that you cannot ignore one side or the other and I feel that the book gives a fair and honest treatment of the topic.

  22. 5 out of 5

    Callie

    It's kind of amazing that in the 21st century, a book has to be written to try and convince leadership of a church that they should completely disavow the practice of polygamy. That's religion for you--painfully slow to change, even things that are just wrong--in practice and in philosophy. Look at the Catholic church expecting celibacy of its priests and how much pain and dysfunction that has caused. This book examines the history of polygamy in the LDS church, how it arose, the response to it, It's kind of amazing that in the 21st century, a book has to be written to try and convince leadership of a church that they should completely disavow the practice of polygamy. That's religion for you--painfully slow to change, even things that are just wrong--in practice and in philosophy. Look at the Catholic church expecting celibacy of its priests and how much pain and dysfunction that has caused. This book examines the history of polygamy in the LDS church, how it arose, the response to it, the repercussions we still experience today. It's a very simple book that can be read in the matter of a few hours. The author's argument is that even though polygamy was abandoned years ago, the Church hasn't completely relinquished it. She's right. Men can still be sealed to more than one woman, if a man's wife dies, he can marry another and have her sealed to him. If a woman's husband dies, she cannot be sealed to another man. Why not? The belief that in the heavens men will have multitudes of wives still persists among many members. She's hopeful that the church will one day rid itself of all those false teachings. That sealings in the temple will be equal. That there will be no doctrine of polygamy in heaven. I'm not so sure. I was struck by the loss of power women have experienced in the church over the last several decades. The stripping of the Relief Society of much of its power and autonomy, even the RS lessons being written by men. I didn't know that there had once been a RS magazine written by women, for women. "Opening the first one" the author says, "I find a Literature Lesson on "Faust" by Goethe. Here's a lesson called "The Difference between Education and Indoctrination." Honestly, what we now get in church is very watery gruel indeed by comparison. Nothing meaty, nothing more intellectually challenging than what a ten-year-old could understand. This is another topic, I guess, but is it? If women were in charge of writing their own manuals, I believe our lessons would be far more intellectually stimulating and engaging and just plain more helpful. In the end polygamy and the idea of it that still haunts the church, reinforces "a culture that teaches men to acquire women for their own exaltation treats them like chattel, something to be owned or possessed, not valued as respected persons. That women's feelings on this doctrine have been so routinely ignored is reflective of how little we value women as humans. We may say we value women, but what we mean is we love their service, we want their sacrifice. We don't want their wholeness and their perspectives and their humanity."

  23. 4 out of 5

    Andrew

    Carol Lynn Pearson is Mormonism's poet laureate. The author of over 40 books and screenplays, she has helped shape the contours of LDS culture more than most members of the church realize. Throughout the last several decades, Carol Lynn has highlighted the richness available in Mormon theology, art, music, and history. In many ways, she is the church's modern Eliza Snow. Now, Ms. Pearson has turned her gifted writing capacity to bear on one of the most intractable and confounding components of Mo Carol Lynn Pearson is Mormonism's poet laureate. The author of over 40 books and screenplays, she has helped shape the contours of LDS culture more than most members of the church realize. Throughout the last several decades, Carol Lynn has highlighted the richness available in Mormon theology, art, music, and history. In many ways, she is the church's modern Eliza Snow. Now, Ms. Pearson has turned her gifted writing capacity to bear on one of the most intractable and confounding components of Mormonism: polygamy. This is not a treatise on fundamentalist sects of Mormonism that practice open cohabitation and polygyny; instead, it confronts head on the vestiges of polygamous theology that live on in the mainstream church despite the 1890 and 1904 manifestos banning the practice...in this life. For instance, modern Mormon men can marry multiple wives consecutively and all can be "sealed" to him, meaning that under Mormon theology they will all be his wives in heaven; women cannot be sealed to multiple men. Children born to a couple will "belong" to the wife's first husband in the eternities, not their biological father. Whispers of reinstituted polygamy (whether in this life or in heaven) persist. Bold declarations from past prophets stating that God has multiple wives have never been retracted. The result of all of this uncertainty, antiquated theology, and intransigent church policies is anxiety and pain. Drawing upon over 8,000 survey respondents, Pearson shares story after story of the pain, heartache, and confusion that results from unclear doctrine and policy regarding polygamy. Women recount unimaginable anxiety over preparing for a heaven where they will be required to "share" their husbands. Men of former widows grieve that they will not be sealed to their families in the next life, despite their faithfulness in this life. Polygamy is still dividing couples, families, and communities, creating a secret pain that cannot be openly discussed in the modern, correlated church. Modern polygamous theology is a tragedy, one that is hard to watch as an outsider. Read more at http://znovels.blogspot.com/2016/08/t...

  24. 4 out of 5

    Carrie Lynn

    This 200 page book took me over a month to read because it was so horrific. I only did about 12 pages at a time. Written by a true believing, currently active LDS woman, the author takes a blunt look at the history of polygamy in the Mormon church. She shares stories in history and stories from voices currently effected by the doctrine of temple sealings/marriages (namely that today, a man can be sealed to more than woman but a woman may not be sealed to more than one man). She never denies any This 200 page book took me over a month to read because it was so horrific. I only did about 12 pages at a time. Written by a true believing, currently active LDS woman, the author takes a blunt look at the history of polygamy in the Mormon church. She shares stories in history and stories from voices currently effected by the doctrine of temple sealings/marriages (namely that today, a man can be sealed to more than woman but a woman may not be sealed to more than one man). She never denies any other doctrine and expresses her love for Joseph Smith AND Brigham Young and calls polygamy Joseph’s “fatal flaw.” In the end, she provides practical action steps the modern church can take to step out of polygamy all together and heal members who keep their pain buried. A powerful, heart wrenching read. Other thoughts: Pearson takes a LOT of poetic liberty especially when retelling historical events that she has a loose framework for. I can see how this language could feel manipulative and steer away from facts. She does little to address much the church’s reassurance that eternal polygamy isn’t something we need to speculate about... but I can see where others would say “great then change sealing policies” This is not a multi-sided view. It is definitely telling the stories of those who feel haunted and awful. If you’re not interested in hearing that perspective, then this won’t be for you :)

  25. 4 out of 5

    Sherry

    It is hard to rate this book for me because Carol Lynn Pearson is such an inspiring writer, and like a poet expresses herself in beautiful words and language. For that part of the book it is at least a 4 star if not more. I like myself better after reading this book. She made me think about the worth of questioning and looking for answers, for forgiving myself for not being perfect, and genuinely liking people just because God loves us, each and every one of us, sinner or saint. I liked how sh It is hard to rate this book for me because Carol Lynn Pearson is such an inspiring writer, and like a poet expresses herself in beautiful words and language. For that part of the book it is at least a 4 star if not more. I like myself better after reading this book. She made me think about the worth of questioning and looking for answers, for forgiving myself for not being perfect, and genuinely liking people just because God loves us, each and every one of us, sinner or saint. I liked how she told the hard facts of Joseph Smith's later visions and of Brigham Young's ideas in a way that showed in their personal choices, they sometimes weren't perfect but they still were prophets. Broke my heart reading about her great-grandmother who stood up to the polygamy. I hope I would have had the courage to do the same. What I didn't enjoy were many of the letters from people speaking to the polygamy problem and how it effected their lives. I was sad for many that they let it interfere with their faith. I quit reading those letters after awhile because they were depressing, but read every word of what Carol Lynn wrote. I am grateful polygamy was declared illegal and done away with. Eternal polygamy is either true or it is not, and surely God will straighten things out if it is, but I am not going to worry about it right now.

  26. 4 out of 5

    Brooke

    Five stars because Pearson tackles a thorny issue in a very loving way. This book has sent my mind racing. When I was around 15 years old I attended a Youth Conference at BYU where one of the presentations, given by a couple who I do not remember, stated that you did not need to live the law of polygamy to reach the highest realm in the Celestial Kingdom (Heaven). That set me free the rest of my life. Thank you unnamed couple. There are other issues I am wrestling with in my life now, but eterna Five stars because Pearson tackles a thorny issue in a very loving way. This book has sent my mind racing. When I was around 15 years old I attended a Youth Conference at BYU where one of the presentations, given by a couple who I do not remember, stated that you did not need to live the law of polygamy to reach the highest realm in the Celestial Kingdom (Heaven). That set me free the rest of my life. Thank you unnamed couple. There are other issues I am wrestling with in my life now, but eternal polygamy is not one of them. However, there are many, many people, mainly women but men too, and modern marriages who have suffered a lot of hurt because of this. (And I do not mean that people are living the law now. Just the belief in it causes much heartache. ) Read the book. I agree with Pearson completely. "Oh, if my husband could only love me even a little and not seem to be perfectly indifferent to any sensation of that kind." Emmeline B Wells. "One of the conditions of romantic love 'is equality - since the relationship of a superior to an inferior, or a master to a subordinate, cannot qualify as romantic love.'" p153 "Religion isn't about believing things. It is a moral aesthetic, an ethical alchemy. It's about behaving in a way that changes you, that gives you intimation of holiness and sacredness." Karen Armstrong. p 204

  27. 4 out of 5

    Alisha

    In the way that only Carol Lynn Pearson can, this book delves into polygamy both past and present and how it affects women and men today. She deftly explains the ins and outs of polygamy from the past in the LDS Church as well as the present. Many times in Mormonism we talk about not practicing polygamy anymore. Pearson puts forth all of the evidence for how polygamy is still not only practiced (both in the eternal sense as well as due to current sealing policies), but how harmful it is being en In the way that only Carol Lynn Pearson can, this book delves into polygamy both past and present and how it affects women and men today. She deftly explains the ins and outs of polygamy from the past in the LDS Church as well as the present. Many times in Mormonism we talk about not practicing polygamy anymore. Pearson puts forth all of the evidence for how polygamy is still not only practiced (both in the eternal sense as well as due to current sealing policies), but how harmful it is being entrenched in our policies and culture. One thing I appreciate about Pearson's narrative is her respect for Joseph Smith, Jr. as a person as well as other LDS Church leaders. It would have been easy to throw him under the bus, but her love for him and what he created shines through the book. I was impressed by her thoroughness and how she shared so many personal accounts of pain from men and women living with the Ghost of polygamy hovering over them. The stories from LDS Church history and from those struggling with polygamy are heartbreaking. I encourage LDS Church members to read this book, hear the stories contained inside, and talk about it.

  28. 5 out of 5

    Emily

    This book is a hard one to rate. It's a daunting subject to dive into, with so much hurt and negative feelings. She felt inspired to write it and to share her thoughts and feelings on the topic. It is not a feel good book, and some parts are upsetting, but it definitely makes you think. I appreciated her honesty, compassion, and intelligence. As I try to figure out and reconcile my feelings and beliefs, I was grateful to have her perspective in the arena. I am continuing to read more on the subj This book is a hard one to rate. It's a daunting subject to dive into, with so much hurt and negative feelings. She felt inspired to write it and to share her thoughts and feelings on the topic. It is not a feel good book, and some parts are upsetting, but it definitely makes you think. I appreciated her honesty, compassion, and intelligence. As I try to figure out and reconcile my feelings and beliefs, I was grateful to have her perspective in the arena. I am continuing to read more on the subject, to glean more light. It was especially helpful to read the book "Planted" after this one, to give a place for my "not understanding" and "doesn't feel right" to sit alongside my belief and spiritual experiences. I can't recommend this to everyone, but it has encouraged me to seek answers for myself.

  29. 4 out of 5

    Clarice

    The best part of this book is where Carol shared excerpts of Mormon women's feelings about Polygamy. They echo my own problems I had with Polygamy, as I questioned how such a backward principle could have ever been inspired by God. Carol gives way more love to Joseph Smith than I do, and so a Mormon women can still feel comfortable reading this book. I've always been bothered by the church trying to distance themselves from a practice that was actually a fundamental part of our foundation. You c The best part of this book is where Carol shared excerpts of Mormon women's feelings about Polygamy. They echo my own problems I had with Polygamy, as I questioned how such a backward principle could have ever been inspired by God. Carol gives way more love to Joseph Smith than I do, and so a Mormon women can still feel comfortable reading this book. I've always been bothered by the church trying to distance themselves from a practice that was actually a fundamental part of our foundation. You can't just sweep it under the rug, eventually it's going to be found when it's time to clean house. And that time has come, when no longer can women stomach the gender inequality we see in our past, and that continues into our present day in other forms of our patriarchal society.

  30. 4 out of 5

    Jill Crosby

    I’m really torn by this book—on the one hand, it reveals the stranglehold polygamy has on the current LDS church; on the other hand, there’s A LOT of gnostic, weird spiritual mumbo-jumbo, dressed up as solid theology but underneath floppy and vapid as one of those air-filled “noodle people balloons” rented by sandwich shops and car dealerships to commemorate grand openings. The despair of the polygamy principle as practiced today in Mormonism comes through in the snippets of affidavits which con I’m really torn by this book—on the one hand, it reveals the stranglehold polygamy has on the current LDS church; on the other hand, there’s A LOT of gnostic, weird spiritual mumbo-jumbo, dressed up as solid theology but underneath floppy and vapid as one of those air-filled “noodle people balloons” rented by sandwich shops and car dealerships to commemorate grand openings. The despair of the polygamy principle as practiced today in Mormonism comes through in the snippets of affidavits which conclude each chapter. And the absolute blindness of the author to the fact that she’s a willing participant and member in good standing of a polytheistic organization which champions the eternal subjugation of women leads me to believe neither her bark NOR her bite account for much.

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