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Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change

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This text is suitable for the reader for whom being in love means being in pain. Therapist Robin Norwood describes loving too much as a pattern of thoughts and behaviour which certain women develop as a response to problems from childhood.


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This text is suitable for the reader for whom being in love means being in pain. Therapist Robin Norwood describes loving too much as a pattern of thoughts and behaviour which certain women develop as a response to problems from childhood.

30 review for Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change

  1. 5 out of 5

    pegah

    I think this book is a necessary to be read by all women not because we are in same situation with women mentioned in this book, but because the nature of all women is to be kind and pleasing others. Then we can understand how much kindness is logical in relationships. For me my mom is the God of kindness but even in our relationship I always ask her to be kind to herself first then others and I think this is the best and healthier way to connect others by a woman.

  2. 5 out of 5

    Anastacia

    Yes, Women Who Love Too Much is the quintessential self-help book. It fits every stereotype given to this genre. That being written, I read this at a time when I needed the help and to understand relationships. It was after a particularly devastating relationship and I was in a dark place. I don't remember if anything impacted me when I read the book, but years later I find myself flashing back to it from time to time, remembering something small from the book and being able to make some sense o Yes, Women Who Love Too Much is the quintessential self-help book. It fits every stereotype given to this genre. That being written, I read this at a time when I needed the help and to understand relationships. It was after a particularly devastating relationship and I was in a dark place. I don't remember if anything impacted me when I read the book, but years later I find myself flashing back to it from time to time, remembering something small from the book and being able to make some sense of things or relate certain issues in the present back to the information that seeped through. There have been many "Ohhhhh...yeah, I remember reading that" moments for me. It's not going to change your life or save you from falling into your darkest places, but it's a good book for women to read if only to understand certain patterns of behavior that either we, individually or collectively, put into our relationships. While I don't remember it to be preachy, it does a good job of explaining why we may do certain things and why we shouldn't. Yes, it's kitschy and you might be embarrassed if someone sees that you're reading it, but I'd recommend this for all women.

  3. 4 out of 5

    Sherry

    changed my life.....again. My sister gave this to me, the first time i read it, I got mad. the second time I read it, I cried. the 3rd time I read it, I left my husband......but be warned, unless God changes you inside, if we don't learn from our past, we WILL repest it...in bad relationships...that's why i am single.

  4. 4 out of 5

    Catherine

    Honestly, this book allowed me to realize what I personally was(is) doing wrong in relationships. This book states how our childhood can affect our future relationships with partners and friends, stories from women with different traumas they've experienced in their life, the problems they encountered with their destructive partners, and the reasons why they are attracted to them. I've dog-eared so many pages that I thought had very good key points to keep in mind. I recommend this to all types Honestly, this book allowed me to realize what I personally was(is) doing wrong in relationships. This book states how our childhood can affect our future relationships with partners and friends, stories from women with different traumas they've experienced in their life, the problems they encountered with their destructive partners, and the reasons why they are attracted to them. I've dog-eared so many pages that I thought had very good key points to keep in mind. I recommend this to all types of women who have discovered themselves in turbulent relationships with the same pattern of unhealthy, agonizing emotions. This book affirms us of our own self-worth, how to seek help and not be ashamed of loving too much, and how you can continue a healthy lifestyle of trying to make yourself happy first.

  5. 5 out of 5

    Donna Ledesma

    I have to be honest that in the span of 12 days of reading this book I have noticed a shift in my attitude -- I became irritable, more critical, maybe intolerant. That's definitely unpleasant, because the book reminded me so much of my sad adolescence. My story is nowhere near as catastrophic as the incredible, inspirational stories shared in the book; but I'm from a broken family and my childhood/adolescence basically consisted of numerous memories of my parents quarreling and fighting. Reading I have to be honest that in the span of 12 days of reading this book I have noticed a shift in my attitude -- I became irritable, more critical, maybe intolerant. That's definitely unpleasant, because the book reminded me so much of my sad adolescence. My story is nowhere near as catastrophic as the incredible, inspirational stories shared in the book; but I'm from a broken family and my childhood/adolescence basically consisted of numerous memories of my parents quarreling and fighting. Reading Women Who Love Too Much has definitely opened my wounds that have already long been healed. The reason why I bought this book, and why I got astonished and excited when I stumbled upon it, is because I've always thought I AM a woman who loves too much (as evidenced by my past relationship/s, ages ago). Although I fairly think I've gone a long way since and am fully recovered, at a young age I am in this process of loving myself, living life to the fullest. By doing this I know I'm taking baby steps towards preparing myself for the man I'll be with for the rest of my life, constantly thinking and living according to the principle that I am not a half waiting to be made whole. And that's what this book is all about. Sure, Robin Norwood's writing has reminded me of my previous painful life, but I closed the book with a smile on my face, because, as she said: "With understanding comes the opportunity for choice, so the greater your understanding, the greater our freedom of choice." I opened myself to whatever new ideas, knowledge and perspective this book has to offer. The more I learned, the more I knew, the more I understood, the more forgiving I had to do, the more I had to let go and accept... and that's the best part of reading the book -- it cracks you open, it compels you to stop, let go, live, love and accept yourself... first. Thank you, Robin Norwood. Your unparalleled passion, expertise and experience will continue to educate and heal a lot of people, myself included. Highly recommended!

  6. 4 out of 5

    Agnes Van westerloo

    I hated the book, threw it in a corner, picked it up again and weeped until the end....

  7. 5 out of 5

    Ayesha

    This book changed my life. I've never believed in self-help books, but this book is just unbelievable! It makes you feel as if someone just entered your mind, read every word and then put it down in a way that almost makes you shiver. It's so perceptive, it's almost uncanny. If you are or ever have been in a relationship that's meant more pain than love, more tears than joy and more giving than what you're getting in return, this book is for you. It's the biggest wake up call you'll ever get. I This book changed my life. I've never believed in self-help books, but this book is just unbelievable! It makes you feel as if someone just entered your mind, read every word and then put it down in a way that almost makes you shiver. It's so perceptive, it's almost uncanny. If you are or ever have been in a relationship that's meant more pain than love, more tears than joy and more giving than what you're getting in return, this book is for you. It's the biggest wake up call you'll ever get. I cannot recommend it enough!

  8. 4 out of 5

    Christine Roach

    Very insightful book. I appreciated the ideas that you cannot change your partner, you only can change yourself. When you focus on all of your partner's "flaws" and think that if they change you will be happy, you are using that as an excuse not to address your own problems. Also that being "selfless" can be a form of manipulation. There is definitely truth in that if we focus on ourselves and strive to be better and give less focus on our partner's issues by trying to control or change them, th Very insightful book. I appreciated the ideas that you cannot change your partner, you only can change yourself. When you focus on all of your partner's "flaws" and think that if they change you will be happy, you are using that as an excuse not to address your own problems. Also that being "selfless" can be a form of manipulation. There is definitely truth in that if we focus on ourselves and strive to be better and give less focus on our partner's issues by trying to control or change them, that leads to a healthier life and a healthier relationship dynamic.

  9. 5 out of 5

    Wendy

    I am not a fan of self-help books generally speaking, so when a friend who'd been in a situation similar to mine suggested I read this book, I blew it off for almost a year. I was pretty sure I'd be too busy rolling my eyes at it to actually absorb anything written on the page. As it turns out, this book spurred me to take a long look at myself and the choices I'd made- both healthy and un- and to ask myself a lot of questions I hadn't thought to ask myself in a very long time, if ever.

  10. 5 out of 5

    Katherine

    If you've ever described yourself or someone you know as a "serial monogamist" or have noticed that most your partners fit into a pattern of “difficult men”, read this book. I had heard about relationship addiction in passing but never took it seriously before reading Robin Norwood's book. It is a serious condition that can have as much potential to negatively affect a person's life as any controlled substance. I appreciated Norwood's analysis of attitudes about love and man-woman relationships If you've ever described yourself or someone you know as a "serial monogamist" or have noticed that most your partners fit into a pattern of “difficult men”, read this book. I had heard about relationship addiction in passing but never took it seriously before reading Robin Norwood's book. It is a serious condition that can have as much potential to negatively affect a person's life as any controlled substance. I appreciated Norwood's analysis of attitudes about love and man-woman relationships often prevent people from getting help because this kind of destructive, painful, dysfunctional love is what "true love" or "being a good wife/girlfriend/daughter/mother" is all about. Most media that we are exposed to reinforce this misperception and have done so for centuries across many cultures. The setting and characters may be different, but the lesson always boils down to, "being a woman in love is being a woman in pain." What was really eye-opening for me was when Norwood explained the connection between caring and control. That women who are addicted to relationships often use their desire to help their significant other to control their behavior. Of course, this is set up for disaster and heart ache, but women keep repeating this sick pattern over and over. I learned the most from the first and last quarters of the book, but would have appreciated more attention to recovery than the repetitive anecdotes from women who suffer with addiction. This book is a "classic" for sure and the subject is still very relevant, but I thought it still has a very 80's vibe. The anecdotes from women who suffer from relationship addiction were helpful, but after reading so many depressing, cyclical stories I decided I needed to skim, or skip over some of them because they didn't really apply to what I was interested in taking away from this book. I think if the anecdotes were condensed more (it took up over two-thirds of the book in my estimation) I feel like I could have enjoyed it better, some of these stories were very difficult for me to read at one time.

  11. 4 out of 5

    Asmaa

    Even if you do not fall in this category you will benefit a lot I'm glad I read it :-) and I think it is a must read for all women

  12. 4 out of 5

    Susie

    Wow, this book basically sums up the story of my life and relationships! I had always wondered where I kept going wrong, as to care is to do the right things, right? Well, yes, it is good to care, it is good to love, but how do you know that you are caring in the right way, loving in the right way? Do any of us even know what love is? This book teaches that love shouldn't be about suffering, no matter what overly-popular television programmes and movies would like to tell us, but should be about Wow, this book basically sums up the story of my life and relationships! I had always wondered where I kept going wrong, as to care is to do the right things, right? Well, yes, it is good to care, it is good to love, but how do you know that you are caring in the right way, loving in the right way? Do any of us even know what love is? This book teaches that love shouldn't be about suffering, no matter what overly-popular television programmes and movies would like to tell us, but should be about a mutual caring and respect, and one that doesn't leave us feeling forced to smother another in our attempts to "help" them, make them better. I have always found myself drawn to relationships where I have felt that I have needed to be the "carer". This hasn't, in my mind, been because I've necessarily been drawn to bad people, like some people are, but partly because I don't feel like I'm useful, or needed, if I can't fulfill a role where I can show that I care. Wouldn't I just be abandoned if I can't give everything? What if I'm not good enough? Of course, a lot of it stems down to self-esteem, which I know I've been lacking in, until recently. It doesn't necessarily mean that my choices have changed as my confidence has grown, but my willingness to put up with certain behaviour has! I truly do recommend this book for any woman (or man, even) who has found themselves cycling through relationships and never seeming to be able to get it "right". It has helped me a lot in understanding my behaviour, both now and in the past.

  13. 5 out of 5

    Laura Skladzinski

    I found the first chapter really interesting, but the rest was a series of incredibly repetitive case studies that were incredibly dull. I got the point from the first chapter and there didn't seem to be much reason to keep reading it after that.

  14. 4 out of 5

    Claire Admiral

    ★★★☆☆ 3.5 stars

  15. 4 out of 5

    Passenger

    I would agree with those who stated they found the book to be repetitive. A sad fact because in my mind the subject at hand is even more current nowadays than it was some 30 years ago when the book was first published. My thought is that perhaps repetitiveness was precisely the point in order to help the reader re-wire their brain structures and form other thoughts and habits about themselves and relationships in general? I could be wrong of course. As virtually the same story was re-told or re- I would agree with those who stated they found the book to be repetitive. A sad fact because in my mind the subject at hand is even more current nowadays than it was some 30 years ago when the book was first published. My thought is that perhaps repetitiveness was precisely the point in order to help the reader re-wire their brain structures and form other thoughts and habits about themselves and relationships in general? I could be wrong of course. As virtually the same story was re-told or re-imagined several more times throughout the book it almost read a bit like fiction and boredom settled in, often forcing me to re-read several paragraphs and only then stumbling upon a key sentence or phrase I had needed to comprehend the specific point of this chapter or this person/character in the book. Although the book carries an important message, it does get lost along the lamentations of the author's patients, as well as her own descriptions and interpretations of what said women had shared with her. Personally I would have wished for shorter chapters, going through cases briefly only and focusing mainly on keywords to remind yourself a) what is happening in the relationship b) how to apply what you learned in this book in real life. And it's strange because the author started that way, with a checklist outlining fifteen recurring issues in this type of relationship and among this type person that "loves too much." Unfortunately that concept was later abandoned though I'm not certain why. The book was written for the layman, so there aren't clinical terms being used or overused, which I could imagine is part of the book's continued success after about three decades on the market. A chapter focusing on possible neurodiversities making people more prone to develop this syndrome of “loving too much,” and explaining the chemical cocktail in the brain whenever one lives through a “high” phase of obsession in a loveless relationship would have been welcome, fun and if you ask me necessary though. So while I like this book there are a few too many flaws that irk me and that seem like somewhat of an oversight, and paired with the fact that the writing style varies quite drastically in quality, I can only award this one 2.5 stars, rounded up to 3.

  16. 4 out of 5

    Rebecca Nolan

    I picked this up on the way out of my sons' head start during a separation with my husband. I didn't think I would get very far into it but thought I should try considering my situation. The first 60+ pages flew by and I had learned an incredible amount. Sometimes God sends us little signs, like the lonely old book sitting on the table next to the door!

  17. 5 out of 5

    April

    I am all for learning about yourself, even reading one of Oprah's self help books once in a while but this was awful. If you are going to read a book about codependency or women who need to respect themselves more, I would not suggest this one.

  18. 4 out of 5

    Kayleen Baguley

    This book was definitely an answer to my prayers. I now understand myself so much better and I am so grateful for the inspiration and recommendation of my friend to read this book. I think that every woman should read this book, because even if she doesn't personally suffer from the "disease" of "Loving Too Much", I guarantee that she has a best friend, sister, mother, cousin, or another female in her life that does. I would guess that at least 75% of the female population has this "disease" in This book was definitely an answer to my prayers. I now understand myself so much better and I am so grateful for the inspiration and recommendation of my friend to read this book. I think that every woman should read this book, because even if she doesn't personally suffer from the "disease" of "Loving Too Much", I guarantee that she has a best friend, sister, mother, cousin, or another female in her life that does. I would guess that at least 75% of the female population has this "disease" in one degree or another. I think that relationships would last longer and be more healthy and happy if every person read this book. Please share this book with anyone that you know is struggling with relationships in any way! The best part came at the end of the book when she started to list the things to do to help recover. I was happy to know that I have been slowly working on each of those things and I am going to continue working on them. I am grateful to have the tools and the knowledge necessary to heal myself, to nurture myself, to heal my self-esteem, and to attract healthy, nurturing, beautiful relationships in my life. So thankful for this book!!!!!

  19. 4 out of 5

    Cristina

    Well, I must confess I quite like psychology stuff. We all think we are so special and nobody has our problems because we don‘t talk to anyone about our real thoughts and anxieties and we don‘t read anything about it. And then comes psychology and BOOM tells you that you are just one of these patterns. It‘s like in software design, there are lots of good patterns you can apply to solve your software design problems, in the same way we people have our patterns, just that it‘s not the factory or o Well, I must confess I quite like psychology stuff. We all think we are so special and nobody has our problems because we don‘t talk to anyone about our real thoughts and anxieties and we don‘t read anything about it. And then comes psychology and BOOM tells you that you are just one of these patterns. It‘s like in software design, there are lots of good patterns you can apply to solve your software design problems, in the same way we people have our patterns, just that it‘s not the factory or observer pattern, it’s the fixer and carer and control-freak patterns we humans/females have. Anyways, this book should be an essential read for women, although the cases shown are extreme, it teaches women that love is not earned and shouldn‘t imply fixing or saving. I am a little sad though that there are so many books out there which focus on „fixing“ women, I still need to find out why, is it maybe because women are more receptive to such things?

  20. 5 out of 5

    Brenna Gorbatov

    This is an amazing book that helped me get through a huge break up, and to look at how I had dealt with intimate relationships over the years. I also got the opportunity to dig into the deep emotional avenues of my soul, and look at my father issues face to face. I highly recommend it to any woman who has noticed unhealthy relationship patterns in their life. This books helps you to see "why," rather than blame yourself.

  21. 5 out of 5

    Eek-a-mouse

    For many years this book was suggested to me, until I finally read it, ... again and again. It holds the key to a completely new self, to a better, a satisfactory and healthy life. Wheras the main content of the book simpy is ¨be more selfish¨, ¨make yourself happy, and every one else will be¨; it shows relationship structures and the origin of certain behaviours. You deserve to be loved for who you are, and not for your sacrifices. For some it takes a book (this book) to understand this.

  22. 4 out of 5

    Bebe Booth

    If you are prone to give your all in relationships only to be left high and dry when it's all said and done this is an insightful book. If you are eager to give your love this is for you to men that use it and abuse it, read this. If you for any reason are not sure if you should read this boon then READ it. Obviously if you weren't interested in some aspect you wouldn't be researching it. You wouldn't even notice it if you aren't interested.

  23. 5 out of 5

    Keala

    This book was required reading for my SisterCare group. Reading this book probably saved my life. It forced me to examine myself and change some of my weak ways. I am not the same woman I once was thanks to this book.

  24. 4 out of 5

    PattyMacDotComma

    Plenty of good advice for those seeking it.

  25. 4 out of 5

    Frenchie

    I was lent the book and it stayed on my bookshelf for months, unread. I had read many books on self development, so, this one did not really attract me because of the title. I did not identify myself as a ''woman who loved too much'' . But when I started to read it, I really got into it. I would say that the beginning (the setting of the book) is a bit slow, and the stories are quite cliche (but then again, they would be because they are every day life stories by real individuals) but once you g I was lent the book and it stayed on my bookshelf for months, unread. I had read many books on self development, so, this one did not really attract me because of the title. I did not identify myself as a ''woman who loved too much'' . But when I started to read it, I really got into it. I would say that the beginning (the setting of the book) is a bit slow, and the stories are quite cliche (but then again, they would be because they are every day life stories by real individuals) but once you go on, you will discover that the title is misleading or confusing. It is not just about women who love too much (one man), it is also about women who give too much , who accept too much and those who would take their friends' problems on board like they were their own. And who accept very little in return. It is also about these women who play the drama games or the ''clingy'' games and always put the blame on others but themselves. It is to learn how to have control of our lives, how not to give our power away but also, not to take others' power away. I recommend buying this book and read it in its entirety because the self help bit comes at the end and this is the best bit. So, if you wonder why your friends always take advantage of you, that you are there when they need you but they disappear when you need them, when you are the one to listen but they never have time for your problems, then this book is for you, whether you have a problem in your love life or not. If your life is give, give, give and you never take or take so little in return and it bothers you, then go ahead and read it. There needs to be balance in life, and if it is the right of others to ask, it is our prerogative to be able to say NO, when things are inconvenient for us. It is not to learn how to be selfish, but it is to learn how to recognise when we are being taken for a mug. It is to learn how to be selective in how and when we want to help people. Some people will always have the same problems, year in , year out, and not matter what you do, as a friend or as a partner, they will use you as a walking stick and discard you when they find better. They actually use you for doing the jobs they should be doing, and they appeal to your sense of pity and nurturing. And if you think they need you, then think again. They do not need you, per se, they just need someone who will fulfill their needs. So many times it happens that a woman will wait for years to leave a man because she thinks he needs her, will fall apart without her but as soon as they find the courage to leave him, he gets someone else in. The same with some so called friends. No one is irreplaceable nor indispensable for them. They do not like you or love you, whatever they say, they just use you. It is not easy to assertive, it takes a lot of courage and a lot of work, but think about it: what is better, to be loved and be used/abused, or to be loved and be respected? I know which one I would choose and it is not the former. This book, like any other self help book, will not change your life. But you will, if you follow the advices given and do some critical analysis of yourself. You do not need to follow exactly to the letter, just apply some common sense. I have since purchased the book to keep as a referene book. I would like to add that this might not be the best book for someone who is just starting her journey in self discovery and self awareness. Maybe best to start with this book:

  26. 5 out of 5

    Maryam Slim

    "God loves me God bless me God is working in my life"(Robin Norwood) This book offers guidance for women who find themselves in a pattern of unhealthy relationships who are obsessed with the wrong men. i think all women should read it not because of having the same experience as the women mentioned in this book, but because the nature of all women is to be kind and to please the other. Robin Norwood discusses the signs, the thought patterns, gives relevant examples, and explores ways to change. I "God loves me God bless me God is working in my life"(Robin Norwood) This book offers guidance for women who find themselves in a pattern of unhealthy relationships who are obsessed with the wrong men. i think all women should read it not because of having the same experience as the women mentioned in this book, but because the nature of all women is to be kind and to please the other. Robin Norwood discusses the signs, the thought patterns, gives relevant examples, and explores ways to change. I recommend it to all sisters in the world!

  27. 4 out of 5

    Roxana Dreptu

    A reasonably good book to read when you are well and ready to understand where some of your past and present actions and thoughts come from. That being said, I couldn't agree with some of the proposed "solutions" - such as delegating to an ethereal being all that is not yours to control - and co-dependency and severe childhood trauma are surely not the only ways in which you can end up with low self-esteem and/or a permanent desire to save or control others.

  28. 4 out of 5

    Shane

    This book changed my life! I am not a huge fan of the self help genre, so I was very reluctant to pick this one up. Once I did, I couldn't put it down. This book is especially helpful for people who grew up in dysfunctional homes where substance abuse was an issue. It will stay with me for the rest of my days as a reminder that being happy and healthy starts with me.

  29. 5 out of 5

    Debbie

    I was a bit wary of the title, but I'm very glad I didn't let it put me off. Really interesting exploration of patterns of relating and the interplay between different behaviours across addictions. You hear a lot about sex addiction, but not so much about relationship addiction. This was a real eye opener for me.

  30. 5 out of 5

    Leah

    This book is really an incredible resource for women who find themselves in a pattern of unhealthy relationships. She discusses the signs, the thought patterns, gives relevant examples, and explores ways to change. Highly recommend!

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