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When She Makes More: 10 Rules for Breadwinning Women

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How to thrive in a relationship when you’re the richer half For the top-earning woman, the rules are different. She faces a much higher risk for burnout, infidelity, and divorce. In this highly practical book, financial guru and media star Farnoosh Torabi—a breadwinner herself—presents a bold strategy that not only addresses how income imbalances affect relationships and fa How to thrive in a relationship when you’re the richer half For the top-earning woman, the rules are different. She faces a much higher risk for burnout, infidelity, and divorce. In this highly practical book, financial guru and media star Farnoosh Torabi—a breadwinner herself—presents a bold strategy that not only addresses how income imbalances affect relationships and family dynamics, but also how a woman can best manage (and take advantage of) this unique circumstance—emotionally, socially, and financially. Among the rules: • Rewrite the Fairy Tale: Come to grips with the new landscape for dating, marriage, and ever after. • Find Your Favorite Position: Stay on top of the finances while allowing your partner to lead. • Don’t Settle for a Mr. Mom: The math may conclude it’s best for him to quit his job to become the primary caregiver, but there's far more to consider. • Don’t Make His Life Too Easy: How outsourcing and paying for help can backfire. With eye-opening stories and a survey of one thousand people, this book will appeal to fans of The End of Men and The Richer Sex. Torabi helps us embrace this new reality and make it work.


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How to thrive in a relationship when you’re the richer half For the top-earning woman, the rules are different. She faces a much higher risk for burnout, infidelity, and divorce. In this highly practical book, financial guru and media star Farnoosh Torabi—a breadwinner herself—presents a bold strategy that not only addresses how income imbalances affect relationships and fa How to thrive in a relationship when you’re the richer half For the top-earning woman, the rules are different. She faces a much higher risk for burnout, infidelity, and divorce. In this highly practical book, financial guru and media star Farnoosh Torabi—a breadwinner herself—presents a bold strategy that not only addresses how income imbalances affect relationships and family dynamics, but also how a woman can best manage (and take advantage of) this unique circumstance—emotionally, socially, and financially. Among the rules: • Rewrite the Fairy Tale: Come to grips with the new landscape for dating, marriage, and ever after. • Find Your Favorite Position: Stay on top of the finances while allowing your partner to lead. • Don’t Settle for a Mr. Mom: The math may conclude it’s best for him to quit his job to become the primary caregiver, but there's far more to consider. • Don’t Make His Life Too Easy: How outsourcing and paying for help can backfire. With eye-opening stories and a survey of one thousand people, this book will appeal to fans of The End of Men and The Richer Sex. Torabi helps us embrace this new reality and make it work.

30 review for When She Makes More: 10 Rules for Breadwinning Women

  1. 5 out of 5

    Erica

    The title is a tad misleading. This is less a book full of advice for women about successfully managing their finances when they are the ones in control of said finances and more about how to keep (or get) a man when the woman makes more money in the relationship. Yes, there are tips regarding wise investments and money management but mostly, it's about carefully navigating the emotional turbulence that could arise if you, the woman, have a larger income than your partner, the man. The ten rules The title is a tad misleading. This is less a book full of advice for women about successfully managing their finances when they are the ones in control of said finances and more about how to keep (or get) a man when the woman makes more money in the relationship. Yes, there are tips regarding wise investments and money management but mostly, it's about carefully navigating the emotional turbulence that could arise if you, the woman, have a larger income than your partner, the man. The ten rules are pretty subjective. They are aimed at women who feel it is their responsibility to not only manage the vast amounts of money they are bringing in but also their partners' hurt egos. In one way, this makes sense because it is obviously the woman's fault that she is making more money than her man, ergo, it is her responsibility to perform damage control. But in all other ways, this is bull because it is not the woman's job to make sure her husband feels loved, comforted, and needed to make up for him not being the main provider of household income. You know whose job that is? The couple's. In fact, most of this book could probably be rewritten from that perspective - the couple's - and it would probably be more enlightening. So instead of "Face the Facts": "The most dangerous feeling we can have toward our partner is resentment and wondering if we're better off without him" perhaps a better rule would be: "Face the Facts": "If who makes what amount of money has become an issue, you should probably seek help from a professional. Lower earning person: Remember that your partner is not making more money to spite you or to make you feel impotent and useless. If you have such feelings, they are your feelings and were not handed to you by her (unless she's been all "I make more money and that makes you worthless," in which case, you're probably with the wrong person). As they are your feelings, it is your responsibility to manage them and not start fights or slide into being a kept person. Higher earning person: Remember, sometimes people value themselves on their earnings and if you are earning more, you may be perceived as having higher value, either by you or by your partner. Maybe by both. Guess what? You don't have higher value, not beyond what shows up on your W2. You are still responsible for your half of the relationship. You don't get to make more of the decisions because you make more of the money. You aren't superior in any way. You're making this money to afford your lifestyle and your relationship should be a driving force in that lifestyle. You answer to your relationship, it doesn't answer to your money. Get that straight now or just stop with the relationship because you being all 1% in your household isn't going to work for anyone." If a debt compromise in which he pays off his debt while you take care of all other household expenses works for both of you, then great. That wouldn't fly in my house. I understand percentages so he gets to pay his debt AND some of the household expenses and I pay my debt and the rest of the household expenses because we need to take responsibility for what we brought into the marriage as well as what we created afterward. That might not work for everyone, though. Some couples put all their money in one big account and everything comes back out of that account. You have to figure out what's going to work best for you, your partner, and your relationship. Then there's the question of "What if he wants to support his ailing parents financially and you are the chief breadwinner?" Isn't the answer: "Help as much as you can afford to help"? Because they're YOUR FAMILY. Unless, of course, they're horrible people and are trying to mooch off you, in which case you should ignore their phone calls and hope the old people police pick them up and put them back in the old people home where they belong. Seriously, though, that is a horrible question. You being chief breadwinner should have little or no bearing how supporting ailing parents will work. There are pre-nups and post-nups and advice on protecting your money which is great if that's the kind of relationship you have or if you're going into a new relationship and bringing lots of your own assets. There is advice on how to "cater to the male brain" (yes, the name of that rule is offputting from the get-go), some of which is doled out by relationship expert Marni Battista who tells her breadwinning clients "to play up their 'sexy alpha female' or to 'fit in the feminine' in their relationships so that, in turn, men can feel masculine and take the money thing off the table." You know what? Eff you, lady. I hope my speed reading caused me to miss something profound in that chapter...something along the lines of Eff you, lady. Thank goodness that is later followed up with "Do what works for you, period" in which the most valuable advice in this entire book comes forward: "...do what works for you as a couple." YES. Exactly. That is how you figure out most issues in your relationship. I've been the top earner in my last few relationships and am so in my marriage. In some cases it was rough (which is why those are past relationships) but the thing is, it doesn't have to be. If you're starting a relationship and you make more money, you find out if that's an issue when you get involved. Hopefully, it's not. If it is, try to work it out. If you can't, this is probably not going to be the most respectful, healthy relationship and you can choose to accept that or move on. If your income changes while you're already in a relationship, that you might have a little more work to do but, again, the relationship should come first and the personal incomes exist to support the relationship and home and lifestyle that surrounds it. Of course, I could be way off base, here. I'm pretty much making this up as I go along because it's my gut reaction to some of these Ten Rules. I didn't one-star this book because it does actually offer some pieces of great advice. It's just that it's delivered in a way that puts the onus of fixing income-based relationship problems on the woman and I'm not sure that's the right way to face this issue. I'm making it sound far more sexist than it is but there's still enough of the "You, highly-paid female, YOU must ease the tension in your relationship by helping your lower-paid male companion get past this problem that you created with all your money and benefits and social recognition while also protecting YOUR assets" that it grates. However, I know this IS an issue, one that plagues couples, worries single women, and is upsetting our societal balance. It's good to be aware this problem exists (whether or not it should exist is a whole different conversation) so books like this help raise awareness so that conversations can happen. However, I think it would have been more effective had it been aimed toward couples, not specifically at women who happen to be rolling in the dough.

  2. 4 out of 5

    Allison Lay

    I don't even know where to start with this. I don't leave bad reviews, but this was the worst. I guess I'm not the target audience, because I'm a happily married female professional working in a male dominated field, and my husband is extremely helpful/understanding, even though I make more (gasp). My summary for the entire book is pretty much this: unsubstantiated DNA claims, rude spouses who clearly have given up (does the gender really matter, wouldn't men be pissed if they had lazy wives??), I don't even know where to start with this. I don't leave bad reviews, but this was the worst. I guess I'm not the target audience, because I'm a happily married female professional working in a male dominated field, and my husband is extremely helpful/understanding, even though I make more (gasp). My summary for the entire book is pretty much this: unsubstantiated DNA claims, rude spouses who clearly have given up (does the gender really matter, wouldn't men be pissed if they had lazy wives??), advice such as "let your man be chivalrous to feel like a man!", and plenty other ridiculous claims. What's worse is that these claims have limited factual basis. Sure, there are plenty of statistics, upwards of 15 on some pages (that I've definitely forgotten. I would love to know what Malcolm Gladwell would say about all of the causal factor statistic assumptions). My running theory while reading this is that all of the different studies and numbers she uses are to distract when chapters are validated by "someone I interviewed named Melanie", which is a recurring occurrence. There are several opinions and theories that are presented as fact, it's almost alarming. I really challenge anyone who has read/will read this book to question how much our female brains are hard wired to rely on men (which is presented as "politically incorrect, but just fact"). Several things here: first, if we relied on men for hunting, then why would women have wasted their time gathering. Second, it was men and elderly who were primarily child care givers while the women were gathering. Hunts were not everyday affairs, and the men had plenty of leisure time. Additionally, there is so much marriage advice that's completely unrelated to finances. I just really didn't need to read about one counselers suggestion to have a decade long marriage contract to foster open communication. Save yourself time, don't read this book. Get 'Overwhelmed: work love and play when no one has the time" for some real advice..

  3. 5 out of 5

    Christina

    Decent book with some good pieces of advice. My disappointment was on the focus of having children. While I understand that a majority of women make that choice, there was little focus or even attention to couples that choose not to have children and the challenges that those women face. Given a whole chapter dedicated to parenting challenges, it would have been nice to also address the challenges that women face when they are high earners and choose not to have children yet still have a family. Decent book with some good pieces of advice. My disappointment was on the focus of having children. While I understand that a majority of women make that choice, there was little focus or even attention to couples that choose not to have children and the challenges that those women face. Given a whole chapter dedicated to parenting challenges, it would have been nice to also address the challenges that women face when they are high earners and choose not to have children yet still have a family. With that said, it does have some great tips for women who are starting out relationships and make more in the equation.

  4. 5 out of 5

    Sunaina Rao

    Initially this book really irritated me. The author's vast generalization, conflating biological impulse with socialization, and the clearly privileged outlook was frustrating. That being said, there are some good nuggets in here about how to speak with a partner about finances and really drives home different examples of how to deal with issues that may come up in a marriage in regards to finances and division of labor. Is it weird to say I'd enjoy the book a lot more if it were written by some Initially this book really irritated me. The author's vast generalization, conflating biological impulse with socialization, and the clearly privileged outlook was frustrating. That being said, there are some good nuggets in here about how to speak with a partner about finances and really drives home different examples of how to deal with issues that may come up in a marriage in regards to finances and division of labor. Is it weird to say I'd enjoy the book a lot more if it were written by someone else? She's got great financial advice, but she is not a social scientist and it shows. Editing to add: I was also pretty off-put by some of the mollycoddling of partners suggested by the author. Often the suggestion was to pay to make the problem go away or take on the mental labor of the issue. Do men read books on how to get women to buy into maintaining a basic household? Ugh.

  5. 5 out of 5

    Doug Nordman

    When She Makes More: 10 Rules for Breadwinning Women Farnoosh's advice immediately struck a chord with me because I'm one of those men who earned less. My spouse and I have enjoyed nearly 28 years of marriage while figuring out our own roles-- and dealing with the scrutiny of family & friends. My spouse and I kept ourselves focused on the real goal of financial independence, and the book's practical money-management techniques really work. Guys, don't worry: this is not a male-bashing polemic. The When She Makes More: 10 Rules for Breadwinning Women Farnoosh's advice immediately struck a chord with me because I'm one of those men who earned less. My spouse and I have enjoyed nearly 28 years of marriage while figuring out our own roles-- and dealing with the scrutiny of family & friends. My spouse and I kept ourselves focused on the real goal of financial independence, and the book's practical money-management techniques really work. Guys, don't worry: this is not a male-bashing polemic. There's no psychobabble. You'll learn how two genders will see the same situations in very different ways, and you'll know how to respond to those differences. The book is based on hundreds of interviews with couples and counselors, and they've figured out how to deal with the inevitable debates to keep it all together. Our emotions and reflex responses may try to hijack our brains, but you'll learn how to get back on track instead of reacting. 10 easy (and very entertaining) chapters will show you how to level up your communications skills and share your couple's responsibilities. It's not about who earns more, but rather how each of you contribute to the relationship. You'll also learn how to handle the critical commentary of your family (particularly mothers-in-law) and the rest of society. It's a great read, and my spouse and I kept nodding our heads in recognition. Our daughter is getting her copy as a bonus college graduation gift.

  6. 4 out of 5

    Brandi

    Farnoosh Torabi's "When She Makes More: 10 Rules for Breadwinning Women" provides a lot of useful advice for couples affected by income imbalances. Though it is directed at women, a lot of the advice could prove useful for both sexes. This does not really affect me now, as I am still working towards my doctorate and don't have much in the way of money, but I will definitely be re-reading this book prior to graduation as I probably will be dealing with some of the issues that the author addresse Farnoosh Torabi's "When She Makes More: 10 Rules for Breadwinning Women" provides a lot of useful advice for couples affected by income imbalances. Though it is directed at women, a lot of the advice could prove useful for both sexes. This does not really affect me now, as I am still working towards my doctorate and don't have much in the way of money, but I will definitely be re-reading this book prior to graduation as I probably will be dealing with some of the issues that the author addresses in the book. It is obvious that the author put a lot of time and research into this book and it shows. I would definitely purchase more books by this author in the future as she does provide a lot of useful financial and relationship advice. This book was won from Goodreads.com

  7. 5 out of 5

    Kelsey Jones

    it was OK, but some of the advice was how yo make your man feel manly instead of dealing with the internal issues women may have.

  8. 4 out of 5

    Saeed

    Although the transition was underway for decades, the Great Depression of 2007-8 accelerated the trend of women making more than their male peers. Even though this affects a considerable portion of the population, the mainstream narrative has been rather focused on the "gender pay gap," which would be of interest only to women at the very top of organizational hierarchies. Our pop culture has done a better job bringing up the subject (remember Laura Dern in Big Little Lies screaming "With the ba Although the transition was underway for decades, the Great Depression of 2007-8 accelerated the trend of women making more than their male peers. Even though this affects a considerable portion of the population, the mainstream narrative has been rather focused on the "gender pay gap," which would be of interest only to women at the very top of organizational hierarchies. Our pop culture has done a better job bringing up the subject (remember Laura Dern in Big Little Lies screaming "With the babysitter!.." complaining of her cheating unemployed husband? Or the high-flying ladies in Bad Moms who come home and find their husbands watching online porn? Or that stay-at-home husband in Good Wife, when asked what his wife needs him for, answers: “I make her laugh!” ). Hanna Rosin, first with an Atlantic article and then her book "End of the Men," touched on the subject from a very different perspective. Stephen Marche wrote about his personal experience in "Unmade Bed: The Messy Truth about Men and Women in the 21st Century." He had to quit his teaching job in New York because his wife could make more in Toronto. Considering all of the above, when I saw this book (albeit a few years after its publication) which directly tackles the issue of female spouses making more than their partners, it got my attention. Farnoosh Torabi deserves extra praise for her work because she has focused on one aspect of the issue (i.e. mechanics of finances in a marriage) and has also tried to offer ten practical solutions. She has not shied away from controversial topics and admits she could be called “politically incorrect” because of that. She mentions in the book that an editor turned down her book because she didn’t believe there is such an issue of “she-making-more” in marriages these days. You can find many such deniers among the reviewers of her book on Amazon/GoodReads too. They are incensed by calling this trend a “problem” or anything that needs attention. Granted, the author is well-intentioned. The problem is, throughout centuries, the goals and expectations from marriage have changed drastically: initially, it was about bringing together two tribes, clans or families. Now it’s turned into a seven-headed serpent: love, sex, companionship, friendship, parenthood, business partnership and so on. It is difficult to sustain a relationship in only one of those areas, let alone mixing them all and expecting everything will end up well, and people will live happily ever after their marriage. We had over 50% divorce rates when men were the breadwinners. In this new economy of ours, with men losing their economic power and independence, expecting that “solutions” such as open separate bank accounts or grow a thick stick are going to salvage the seven-headed monster sounds naive.

  9. 5 out of 5

    Jina

    It was a good book. It spent a lot more time than I expected talking about cultural expectations and how those affect a relationship when the woman earns more. But there is some tactical information in the book. (Mostly what you'd expect: don't mention your kids as the reason you have to leave early, do everything you can to never miss a promotion because that's a cumulative income loss you'll never make back, and in general be like a duck -- paddle like hell under the surface while looking calm It was a good book. It spent a lot more time than I expected talking about cultural expectations and how those affect a relationship when the woman earns more. But there is some tactical information in the book. (Mostly what you'd expect: don't mention your kids as the reason you have to leave early, do everything you can to never miss a promotion because that's a cumulative income loss you'll never make back, and in general be like a duck -- paddle like hell under the surface while looking calm and unruffled above the surface.) Torabi's situation is hard to relate to. She's in the television industry and her husband is in the software industry, so they're both high earners, it's just that she makes more. But she's careful to talk with people who are in considerably lower-income brackets.

  10. 5 out of 5

    Lauren Wallace

    "When she makes more outlines ten essential rules for the most common issues that arise when women make more, and it pairs stories from couples ranging in age from twenty to sixty, from various regions and socioeconomic situations, with experts advice from psychologists , marriage therapists, and financial experts." (XXI) I thought that this book had a lot of advice and had study's to back it up. However, I found it to be all over the place and sometimes can be hard to follow. I thought it really "When she makes more outlines ten essential rules for the most common issues that arise when women make more, and it pairs stories from couples ranging in age from twenty to sixty, from various regions and socioeconomic situations, with experts advice from psychologists , marriage therapists, and financial experts." (XXI) I thought that this book had a lot of advice and had study's to back it up. However, I found it to be all over the place and sometimes can be hard to follow. I thought it really didn't have solid financial advice, but more life advice. This book was a quick read, as I read it in about a day! I would recommend it to any women who does make more!

  11. 4 out of 5

    Amber

    Overall, this had a bit of a dismal tone to it. There was a lot of repitition about the divorce statistics for hetero couples when the woman earns more. The helpful “hints” to avoid having the reader’s relationship meet the same end are focused on ways to stroke a man’s ego or be agreeable at work (so you don’t risk losing that family-supporting job when you’re the primary breadwinner). I had hoped for something more celebratory and less gloomy.

  12. 4 out of 5

    T.

    Has some things any couple should think about but especially if she makes more money. Some assumptions were made by the author about the audience so it won't apply to all (i.e. income brackets). Still worth a read but borrow this book. The audio is ok. She flips between a reporter voice and a friendly voice to the point it did distract me. I did find some useful things in this work. Has some things any couple should think about but especially if she makes more money. Some assumptions were made by the author about the audience so it won't apply to all (i.e. income brackets). Still worth a read but borrow this book. The audio is ok. She flips between a reporter voice and a friendly voice to the point it did distract me. I did find some useful things in this work.

  13. 5 out of 5

    Erin

    I listen to and enjoy Farnoosh’s podcast, so I was shocked to read the first 2 chapters of this book (didn’t make it farther than that). It reeks of sexism and fear tactics. Honestly if a man is THAT threatened that his wife or partner makes more money than him, he’s a backwards fool and douche. That’s all there is to it. Stop blaming women and putting all the onus on women to stroke a man’s ego!! I’m contemplating unfollowing the podcast after this garbage book.

  14. 5 out of 5

    Kayla Sloan

    Definitely some good takeaways but some repetitive things from other PF books too.

  15. 5 out of 5

    Vineetha

    I am not married but this will help me decide how to divide the finances after marriage

  16. 5 out of 5

    Adeline

    When She Makes More is a book that successful addresses many topics in one volume: personal finance, career advice, gender and workplace issues. Although the author mainly tackles the topic of families where the woman’s salary is significantly larger than her husband, the book is relevant for readers with all kinds of income – CEOs, dentists, small business owners etc. You don’t need to be a millionaire to pick it up (although if you are, I bet it’ll still come in handy), or a woman either. Farno When She Makes More is a book that successful addresses many topics in one volume: personal finance, career advice, gender and workplace issues. Although the author mainly tackles the topic of families where the woman’s salary is significantly larger than her husband, the book is relevant for readers with all kinds of income – CEOs, dentists, small business owners etc. You don’t need to be a millionaire to pick it up (although if you are, I bet it’ll still come in handy), or a woman either. Farnoosh Torabi’s advice will also apply to people starting their professional life; I really could have used a book like that when I got my first job after college to help me figure money/career-things out. If you are more established, the book will also make you question (in a good way) the arrangements you have in place, from your day-to-day schedule to how you interact with your relatives. When She Makes More is divided in 10 chapters, each of them tackling a different piece of advice or ‘rule’. You’ll practical advice and various options on how to handle specific situations, for instance different ways to deal with family/coworkers asking those pesky questions about being a working mom. Each chapter features the story of a couple interviewed by Torabi to illustrate various situations. The author has clearly done a lot of research on the topic and every single one of her points is backed up by data and interviews/case studies, which were all fascinating to read. (and it’s not usually something I say about case studies!) One of my favourite aspects is that Farnoosh Torabi is an excellent writer – she is funny and writes in a very engaging way, all the while managing to tackle “serious” topics in an approachable way and without dumbing things down for the reader. Although the books don’t deal with the same topic, if you liked Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In then you will love When She Makes More. Actually, you should read it even if you didn’t like Lean In. I read When She Makes More in one day, and I don’t usually see personal finance books as page turners, so, yes. It is that good.

  17. 4 out of 5

    Jackie B. - Death by Tsundoku

    This book was incredibly thought provoking for me, and therefore a very slow read. I picked up this book because I recently came to terms with the fact that I will be the breadwinner in my soon-to-be family. For me, it presents some psychological issues, but I find that the world outside my family is more judgmental than I expected they would be. I wanted advice on how to deal with the "But you're marrying beneath you..." and the "You need a man who will support you." and all that. This book did This book was incredibly thought provoking for me, and therefore a very slow read. I picked up this book because I recently came to terms with the fact that I will be the breadwinner in my soon-to-be family. For me, it presents some psychological issues, but I find that the world outside my family is more judgmental than I expected they would be. I wanted advice on how to deal with the "But you're marrying beneath you..." and the "You need a man who will support you." and all that. This book did a great job of providing me with food for thought. I feel confident that this book was appropriate and not just some rubbish. Farnoosh Torabi obviously did her research. A lot of things were brought to light that I had never thought about, and even though I'm not even engaged yet, I'd say 99% of the book applied to me. I had a lot to think about. During the time I was reading this book, Dave was gone for a week. I discovered during that time period I couldn't read this book before going to bed. I ended up having anxiety-ridden nightmares. Turns out, when someone starts giving you advice about your future, and things you'll run into in your future you had never even thought about, you want to talk to someone about this. I might read this book again someday, but at that point I'll be seeking advice. Right now I think it's good that I read this so I can prepare for my future as best as possible. I am a planner, for sure. And I want to go into establishing a family making certain I am as prepared as possible. I know that Dave and I can weather any storm-- but I want to make certain we have lifeboats should the time come. This has really helped provide me direction and given me hope. Here's to consistently successful finances. :)

  18. 5 out of 5

    Rachel

    I received this book free from the publisher in exchange for an honest review: To be honest this book got off to a slow start for me. As the sole breadwinner in my family (and also a financial advisor), I found the statistics and examples of other couples to be discouraging. I also felt like my situation didn't relate - my husband and I decided that he would stay home with the children while I grew my business almost 9 years ago and it was one of the best decisions we have ever made! I felt the la I received this book free from the publisher in exchange for an honest review: To be honest this book got off to a slow start for me. As the sole breadwinner in my family (and also a financial advisor), I found the statistics and examples of other couples to be discouraging. I also felt like my situation didn't relate - my husband and I decided that he would stay home with the children while I grew my business almost 9 years ago and it was one of the best decisions we have ever made! I felt the latter half of the book was much more supportive and encouraging. In particular I found myself relating to Rule # 6: Buy Yourself a Wife. I have been known to say (often) that a stay at home husband is NOT the same as a stay at home wife. If you have enough free cash, invest in some support for those chores that you would like to do but don't have the time or energy (errand running, organizing, laundry, cleaning, etc). I especially enjoyed Rule #7: Break the Glass Ceiling but Carry a Shield and Rule #9: Grow a Thicker Skin. The author, Farnoosh Torabi, summarizes the book by saying that "this book isn't just a practical how-to for a specific group of women out there; it's also a conversation starter for millions of other women." I would absolutely agree -this book definitely made me think and sparked numerous conversations between my husband and myself. I would love to read more on this topic and more from Torabi.

  19. 5 out of 5

    Jessica

    The sad truth is that women who make more money than their (male) partners get divorced at higher rates, feel higher levels of stress, and somehow still end up doing even more housework and childcare. This book looks at the problems that can arise for couples when the woman is the breadwinner, where the income gap is a small one or a extremely large one. While there wasn't a great deal in here that was groundbreaking or anything, I do think that the book contained a great deal of tips and helpfu The sad truth is that women who make more money than their (male) partners get divorced at higher rates, feel higher levels of stress, and somehow still end up doing even more housework and childcare. This book looks at the problems that can arise for couples when the woman is the breadwinner, where the income gap is a small one or a extremely large one. While there wasn't a great deal in here that was groundbreaking or anything, I do think that the book contained a great deal of tips and helpful advice, particularly for thinking through financial decisions and overall career (and life) planning. I think this book was especially helpful for someone like me who is young and starting out in the workforce but already anticipating being the higher-earning partner, though I think it could be helpful for those in other situations as well. I'll probably buy myself a copy of the book to keep on my shelf as a reference. I received an advance digital galley of this book through Penguin's First to Read program.

  20. 4 out of 5

    Vonetta

    I hate that such books have to be written, but norms only change one little bit at a time, I guess. I rather enjoyed Torabi's overview of the household economic landscape and the accompanying tips. Sure, I felt my blood begin to boil a few times, but only because I'm of the belief that splitting household duties is common sense, and actually having to make this explicit really grinds my gears. Either way, it gave me and my spouse some good topics of discussion; although he makes more now, I'm on I hate that such books have to be written, but norms only change one little bit at a time, I guess. I rather enjoyed Torabi's overview of the household economic landscape and the accompanying tips. Sure, I felt my blood begin to boil a few times, but only because I'm of the belief that splitting household duties is common sense, and actually having to make this explicit really grinds my gears. Either way, it gave me and my spouse some good topics of discussion; although he makes more now, I'm on course to make more in the near future, so it was good to talk about preemptively about what we'll do when we have kids, etc etc. I definitely recommend the book for that. Don't think it's a Bible for breadwinning women; it's more of a springboard for conversation in your own home.

  21. 4 out of 5

    Tracy Stone

    This book was unbearable. If you replace wife/woman with husband/man and vice versa in this book, the author Farnoosh could easily have been confused for a narrow minded misogynist man in the 1950's writing about entrenched and damaging gender roles in the household. Her view on marriage, relationships, and gender roles (seriously suggesting a less earning male partner should pretend to pay for things to keep "face" in society!) is very limited and sexist. Very disappointed reading this. This book was unbearable. If you replace wife/woman with husband/man and vice versa in this book, the author Farnoosh could easily have been confused for a narrow minded misogynist man in the 1950's writing about entrenched and damaging gender roles in the household. Her view on marriage, relationships, and gender roles (seriously suggesting a less earning male partner should pretend to pay for things to keep "face" in society!) is very limited and sexist. Very disappointed reading this.

  22. 5 out of 5

    Colombiana16

    Great book! It was very well written and definitely helpful. Farnoosh touches on very important points that I was not previously sure how to address or felt that I was the only one going through it. She also brings up many areas that I had not previously considered but that would have a great impact in the future of a relationship. The stories of how other women have handle similar situations successfully is truly a breath of fresh air.

  23. 4 out of 5

    Elle

    I don't recommend this book to every woman. I think that prior to getting married and if you are getting serious with someone, then you should definitely read this book regardless how much money you make. I think it helps somewhat in your perspective if you are already married and read this book. I think it is just a comprehensive way for partners to view money. I don't recommend this book to every woman. I think that prior to getting married and if you are getting serious with someone, then you should definitely read this book regardless how much money you make. I think it helps somewhat in your perspective if you are already married and read this book. I think it is just a comprehensive way for partners to view money.

  24. 4 out of 5

    Denise Morse

    I think this is a good book to read prior to getting married, less relevant when you are already married. I hope that as society moves along, this book is not needed. As someone relatively young, I was a little upset by some portions but also saw myself and my situation in others. It was a mixed bag for me and I think it will be for most.

  25. 4 out of 5

    Brenda Chamness Biggs

    I've been listening to Farnoosh Torabi's podcast So Money for about 6 months and I wanted to pick up one of her latest books to check it out. This was a fast read and overall an interesting topic when navigating money and relationships. I've been listening to Farnoosh Torabi's podcast So Money for about 6 months and I wanted to pick up one of her latest books to check it out. This was a fast read and overall an interesting topic when navigating money and relationships.

  26. 4 out of 5

    Evangeline Anderson

    Eye Opening! This book helped me make sense of the trouble brewing in my marriage. It gave me hope for the future and some realistic strategies to use to fix what is broken. Thank you!

  27. 5 out of 5

    Caroline

    Interesting read from a very practical money expert. Farnoosh tackles a tricky subject, who makes more money in a couple and how that can impact your relationship. Lots of good takeaway information here, would highly recommend this book to any woman to read.

  28. 5 out of 5

    Christine

    I am a fan of anything that offers honesty and humor about relationships. I have been a fan of Farnoosh's voice since her first book and this one touched an issue close to home. I am a fan of anything that offers honesty and humor about relationships. I have been a fan of Farnoosh's voice since her first book and this one touched an issue close to home.

  29. 4 out of 5

    Marisa

    Book was pretty good, but I felt like a lot of the situations/problems don't exist in my relationship. Book was pretty good, but I felt like a lot of the situations/problems don't exist in my relationship.

  30. 5 out of 5

    Deirdre Pase

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